Page 85 of Sacrifice
He smiles in return and heads to the shower, and it’s only when he disappears down the hallway that I take a deep breath. The smell of his skin, his sweat, is thick in the air. It’s overwhelming in the very best way, in total contrast to the overwhelming odor of antiseptic and disease at the hospital.
Crew’s in and out of the shower in a flash. I hear the microwave kick on in the kitchen and before I know it, he’s walking back in the room. He has on a pair of black sweatpants and is carrying the plate of food I left him.
He’s shirtless and his body takes my breath away. Lean and toned beyond belief. His ab muscles ripple with every step, his shoulders rigid and strong. His arms are cut without flexing.
I spy the tattoos I know exist. There’s an “M” for Minnesota on his right shoulder and “Ma” written in script over his heart. “Gage” is on his right forearm in block letters, and “GENTRY” is written boldly across his back. It was his first tattoo.
He sets the plate on the table in front of us and collapses back onto the couch, wincing.
“You all right?” I ask, watching him move his right shoulder around.
“Yeah. Just a little sore, that’s all.”
My hands itch to touch his skin and a thread of guilt starts to spool in my stomach. I’m pushed and pulled, guilty for feeling and needing to feel . . . human again. A feeling of something other than sadness, responsibility, helplessness. For just a moment, I want to be a twenty-something girl without all the baggage I tote everywhere. I feel guilty for that, too.
I pull my gaze away.
“You okay?” he asks softly.
I laugh shakily because the hell if I know. Even if I am okay this second, the way my life goes, I may not be in the next. My life is a series of unpredictable events aimed at wearing me down.
“What does it matter?” I ask, more to myself than him.
He tips my chin gently so I’m looking straight at him. “It matters. It always matters to me.”
“When did you start being so nice anyway?” My heart pounds, sending red-hot blood bursting through my veins. His fingertip sears my chin, yet when he lets his hand fall, I crave its return.
I’m immobilized by the weight of his stare, held in place by his gaze. I can’t look away. I don’t want to look away, although I know I should.
“When you let me.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“You’re the strongest person I know,” he says simply. “You just take everything thrown at you and keep on going.”
I laugh at the ridiculousness of what he’s saying. “Yeah. I’m strong all right.”
“You are, Jules. The strongest people aren’t the ones that walk around, flexing their shit. The strongest people are the ones that fight the battles no one sees. You amaze me.”
“What I do is survive. There’s nothing amazing about it.”
“You sell yourself short.”
We sit in comfortable silence and I notice his focus is on something far away. “Do you remember the day we met?”
“Um . . .” Whatever I expected him to say, this wasn’t it. “Yeah. Of course. Why?”
“We saw you and your friends walking around that morning. I think it was actually Gage that saw you first. He wanted to go talk to you, but I sort of nipped that in the bud. I said, ‘See the one in the black swimsuit? She’s mine.’”
My mouth falls open. I had no idea.
“I wanted you from the minute I saw you. I needed you to be my girl. And by some fucking miracle, I got ya.”
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face as I allow myself to remember the good times we had together. How protective he was of me. How intimidating he was to other people, but to me, he was softer. Considerate. At least until he left.
“Do you wonder what our lives would’ve been like if Gage would’ve gotten to you first? If we never would’ve been together?”
The way he says it makes my heart clench, makes my lungs struggle for air. I have thought about it, many times in fact. But for some reason now,today, lately,I don’t want to. I don’t want to have not had those moments with Crew. Those moments made me a part of who I am. Maybe it didn’t end well, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be forever between us, I don’t know, but I wouldn’t give those moments up for anything.
