Page 67 of Sacrifice
“I’m working on a few things this week to come up with the money.”
“It’s too much,” she says, pulling back. “How do we come up with that kind of money? I just . . . I’m her mother, Crew. And she’s not going to get what she needs because I just failed her.”
Tears rocket down her skin and I pull her into me again. “Shut the fuck up, Jules.” I know I sound harsh, but I’m on the verge of breaking myself. “You’ve never failed at a damn thing in your life. Take care of her. I’ll take care of the money.”
“How?” she cries.
“I haven’t figured it out yet. But I will.”
Jules sniffles and pulls back again. She wipes her eyes with the end of her shirt. “Thank you.”
I turn my back to her and grab the liquor again. I down another mouthful for good measure.
“Really, Crew.” She sniffles. “You’ve put yourself in the middle of this mess and you could’ve just walked away from us.”
“Stop.”
“No. I want you to hear me,” she says, grabbing a hold of my waist and turning me to face her. “I spent a lot of years not being very nice to you. I—”
“Jules, stop. I deserved it all.”
She studies me. “I thought you did. But I don’t think I understood everything the right way. Had I known—”
“You don’t get it,” I say, dropping my chin so we are eye to eye. “You were pissed because I walked away from you. But I did it on purpose. You see, Ididunderstand. I knew that you being with me, especially then, would fuck you all up. Fuck, I didn’t know if I was coming or going, Jules. You deserved someone that would love you without the fucking chaos that always finds me. You deserved someone that would do right by you, give you babies, come home every night from a nine-to-five. Someone to treat you like a princess.”
“So you didn’t want me?”
I laugh because she just doesn’t get it. “When I walked in there and saw you with Gage, I realized something. That was the way it needed to be. I didn’t deserve you. I couldn’t give you the things you needed. But Gage could. And he was the only guy I wouldn’t kick the shit out of for touching you because I knew he’d treat you right.”
I shrug and turn away again. “Crew?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you love me?”
I smile and look over my shoulder. I start to explain something that’s been burning in the back of my mind for a long time. I open my mouth, but I can’t find the words.
Not here. Not now. Not like this.
Instead, I turn, touch the side of her face and look into her eyes. I hope she can see what I feel in them. I hope she can see that I’ve loved her since the day I fucking saw her. I hope she can see that I will love her ’til the day I die.
TWENTY-SIX
CREW
“You want something to eat?” I glance at Ever, lying on the couch. She has her Tinkerbell blanket wrapped tightly around her and is staring blankly at the television.
“No,” she says, her voice shallow.
“You sure? I can make ya something. Maybe an ice cream sundae?” I try to think of things a little girl might like. She hasn’t been eating and is starting to wither away to nothing. “With bananas and sprinkles?”
She doesn’t answer me, just gazes at the screen but I’m not sure if she’s even watching it.
“My belly hurts real bad,” she says finally, squeezing her eyes shut. “Real bad, Uncle Crew.”
I clutch the armrests of the chair I’m sitting in by the window. I don’t know what to do. Jules went to see Mrs. Ficht about her schedule, or lack thereof. She was also going to pick up a heating blanket for Ever at the store. She gets so cold and shakes like a leaf. I don’t know if the blanket will help, but it’s worth a try.
“Make me better, Uncle Crew.”
