Page 13 of Brother
His mom raisedher eyebrows.“Sit atthe table to eat at least, Nathan.”
Nathan obeyed,taking his plate to the table and sitting. Hewasn’t surprised whenhis mom joined him, although she didn’t ask anything until he’dfinished his food.
It was a goodtactic. The calm silencehad lulled his heart to stop beating so fast.
“So,” she saidfinally. “Want to tell me what’s been going on with you?” Her voicewas gentle, a tone he’d heard a million times before.
Nathanshrugged,staring at hisplate.
“You and Simonhave a fight?”
Nathanfroze, glancing up at her. “No.Why, has he…said anything?”
His mom laughedsoftly.“No, you knowSimon. He just…it’s obvious when you two aren’t gettingalong.”
“We’re gettingalong,” Nathan defended automatically. The words didn’t soundconvincing even to himself.
His mom lookedat him for a long time.“You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?”
Nathan gave aquestioning shrug.
“That time yougot sick when you were seven. When you drank that dodgy water andhad to go to the hospital…”
“I don’tremember much.”
“No, I know. Ibet Simon does, though. He was a wreck. I’d never seen him likethat. He always seemed so sure of everything, even at that age. Andof course he was scared—you’re his brother, his twin, but…I don’tknow. He was so…we had to let him sleep in the hospital with you.He grabbed my hands when we tried to get him to leave and said, ‘Ifhe dies, I die.’”
Nathan sat up inhis seat, a chill goingthrough him. “I didn’t know that.”
“I mean, it’snot like we were gonna tell you that when you were a kid, and thenit never really came up. But it stuck with me, obviously. I mean,he wasseven. And itwas more than what he said—it was how he said it. Like, it wasn’t athreat. It was a certainty, like you were tethered and he’djust…literally, he’d just drop dead the moment you did. Not exactlywhat a mother wants to hear when one of their kids is in thehospital.”
Nathan reached out,squeezing her hand. His mom just smiled.
“It just kind ofmade me realise…I thought until then that it was you kind offollowing Simon around, you know? But…you’re the centre of hisuniverse. You really are.”
Nathan couldbarely breathe for a second.“He’s the centre of mine.”
“It’s…not thesame. He…I’m not saying—sorry, sweetheart, I’m not saying thisbecause you owe Simon anything. I was kind of glad when you chose adifferent college. Worried, but glad. I just—I guess something mademe think about it. He’s always been so intense about you. And youhandle it so well.”
His mom squeezedhis hand, smiling.Nathan could feel himself shaking slightly.
“I’m glad you’remaking your own way, sweetie. You’ll always have your brotherthere.”
Nathan nodded, but hishead was miles away.
By the time heclimbed the stairstowards his room, his mom’s words, the thoughts that had beenplaguing him for the past two days, congealed into someincomprehensible shape he couldn’t look past.
Nathan stoppedin front of his brother’s bedroom door. A sliver of light leaked from below it.Without thinking about it further, he knocked on the doorsoftly.
The was apause.“Yeah?” Simon’svoice floated through the wood, muffled.
Nathan lethimself in, shutting the door behind him. Simon scrambled up from where he had beensprawled on the bed, phone in hand.
“Nate,” he said,voice choked.
Nathanswallowed.“Hey.”
“Hey.” Simon rana hand through already dishevelled hair. “Look. I’m—I’m so fuckingsorry. I’ve just—my head. It’s, I was just—”
