Page 29 of Crybaby
He needed to break out of it somehow. Any change to crack the illusion that this was something Jason would get to keep.
Despite what his daily routine would suggest, Jasondidhave friends that weren’t Sasha, from back in the day when he was desperate for some queer connections. He didn’t see them often—they liked to go out dancing, and that wasn’t quite Jason’s scene anymore—but they were the kind of friendships that were light and old enough to be able to hang out with even after weeks of not really speaking to each other.
They were all happy to invite Jason to go out to their favourite club, and he asked Sasha to come along—partly because he was a masochist, and partly because he felt like Sasha and he had built a capsule around themselves that was keeping them preserved in some false sense of intimacy that was harming Jason’s ability to view the situation objectively.
Jason hadn’t thought Sasha was tense the one time they had gone together to a queer bar, but he was a lot looser this time—laughing freely and charming all of Jason’s friends in about five minutes, mostly because he had a lot of dirt on Jason to share and tease him with.
There were a few new faces Jason hadn’t met—a pair of girls that were primary partners, a person one of Jason’s friends had met in the library of all places, and a stupidly good-looking guy that had obviously set his sights on Sasha the moment they walked in.
Not that Jason cared. It was the whole point of the outing—to prove to himself that Sasha was only sleeping with him out of convenience.
Jason ignored the obvious flirting going on between the two as they settled into the group with drinks in hand—if by ignoring he meant obsessively trying to hear what they were saying while appearing not to take notice at all.
It was going splendidly. Jason was havingsomuch fun.
By the time they finished their second round of drinks, Jason had a smile fixed on his face and was cursing every idea he’d ever had, starting with sleeping with Sasha and ending with this stupid club.
Jason couldn’t help but turn to look as the guy—Matt, what a dumb name—asked Sasha to dance. Sasha looked at Jason, who smiled and nodded encouragingly. Sasha stared at him for a moment before shrugging at the guy and going off to the dance floor.
Perfect. Mission accomplished. Could Jason go now?
Jason tried to pay attention to the conversation going on around him. He hadn’t seen his friends in a while, and there was a lot to catch up on, but he couldn’t help looking for Sasha in the crowd, finding him at the edge of the dance floor, body pressed against Matt’s.
“So, what’s going on between you and the Russian guy? Alex, he said his name was?” Alyssa prodded. Sasha had introduced himself as Alex—he knew that Sasha was only really called ‘Sasha’ by close friends.
The question made Jason jerk slightly. “Nothing. What do you mean?”
Alyssa raised her eyebrows at him.
Jason sighed. “Nothing, honestly. We’re just friends.”
Alyssa kept her eyebrows high, the little harlot.
“With benefits.”
“Oh, babe.”
“What? Oh, babe, what? I’ve always had, like, lots of friends with benefits.”
“Okay, but you don’t usually look at them longingly while they dance with someone else.”
“I’m not staringlongingly.I’m just making sure he’s all right.”
“Okay, so we’re not talking about the obvious pining. Gotcha.”
Jason closed his eyes and groaned. Alyssa hooked her arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. After a moment, he let himself slump into her a little. What was wrong with a little comfort? The man he loved was out grinding some tall, hot dude on the dance floor. He deserved a hug, surely.
But because Jason just couldn’t help himself, he turned his head to look towards the dance floor again, finding Sasha at once. Matt was holding his hips, both of them moving with the beat, but Sasha was looking right at Jason, a laser-point through the mass of people around them.
Jason looked down at his drink, caught. He straightened up, shaking himself.
He had to stop being this pathetic.
“I’m fine,” he told Alyssa, who just stroked his hair before letting go.
“Okay,” she said as if she believed him.
As if the lie had drawn Sasha, he appeared at Jason’s elbow a few moments later, nudging his side.
