Page 54 of Paint Eater
“Jay. I’m trying not to get all up in your business unless you ask for my advice—you’re a grown man, and I know that you have to make your own decisions and mistakes, but be real, now. I’ve seen you two together, and that boy has it bad.”
“Mom, he’s literally ghosting me. Does that sound like someone who ‘has it bad’? And I don’t even know why he’s suddenly disappeared. God! He’s so…he just won’ttalk. I don’t know…like…I don’t wanna force him, but how are we supposed to get anywhere? Like, why can’t people just talk?”
“Baby, I know I’ve told you plenty that you have to know when to keep your mouth shut, but…it comes easily to you, to just say what you feel. Most people aren’t like that.”
Jay sighed explosively. “I know. I just…” Jay clenched his jaw, looking down, desperate not to cry.
His mom didn’t give him the opportunity to clam up, however, tugging him close so that his side was cradled against her.
“I just…” Jay swallowed. “I really thought we were friends, you know? I just don’t know what I did. I keep thinking about the charity thing, and he was acting weird. Like, when he first saw me, he kind of freaked out? He said, I think he said something like he wasn’t embarrassed about me, but what if I did something really stupid?” He tilted his head, resting his forehead on his mom’s neck. The emotions he’d been trying so hard to ignore for the past week reared up, tangling and writhing like snakes in his throat.
“If that really is the case…fuck ’im,” his mom said.
Jay laughed, a wet, choked sound.
“But…I mean, I don’t know this kid too well. But you’ve talked about him a lot. Like…a lot.”
“Shut up,” Jay mumbled, smiling.
“And he kind of seems the type to overthink things. There’s probably something going on in that head of his that’s got him all tangled up.”
Jay sniffled. “That does kind of sound like him. But…” It had still been sudden. It had still beenJaywho must have done something wrong.“I don’t know what to do about it.” He pulled away from his mom. “What if I just…never see him again?”
His mom sighed. “You may not be able to do much about that. All you can do is try to get him face-to-face and at least get an explanation. Maybe it’ll make sense, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll get him to see the light, maybe you won’t. He has to make his own decisions and mistakes too. But at least you’ll know.”
Jay closed his eyes. The last week had slowly tightened a band around his chest, compressing his ribs and lungs. If only he knewwhyLogan had suddenly stopped talking to him. Jay’s mom was right; Loganwasthe type of person to get caught up in his head, but Jay couldn’t comprehend what could have made Logan put up such an impenetrable defence to shut him out.
Jay couldn’t wait interminably for Logan to contact him. It was too bizarre, this complete silence. Nisha said he was fine, but what if he wasn’t?
He leaned against his mom again, letting the bruise that had bloomed and deepened for the last seven days be soothed for a little while.
**********
Jay knew—from lacking it most of his life—that getting away with things came down to how confidently you did them. Which was why he was dressed in the pants and shirt Nisha had gotten him for the charity function and striding through the foyer of Logan’s building, not even glancing at the concierge.
He let out a sigh of relief when he got into the elevator without being stopped. He knew that these fancy New York buildings had you check in with the front desk when you visited anybody, and they’d call up to confirm, which would destroy the element of surprise that was crucial for his plan to succeed.
Jay was trying to think of showing up unannounced and uninvited to Logan’s apartment less like creepy stalking and more like a kick in the ass from a friend.
Jay got out of the elevator at Logan’s floor, taking a deep, bracing breath before ringing the doorbell.
Fuck.He rubbed his palms against his clothed thighs, trying to get them to stop sweating.
Jay had been bracing himself for Logan’s mom or maid or something to open the door but felt a wash of relief to see Logan standing there, looking soft in a worn T-shirt and sweatpants.
Jay waved awkwardly. “Hey.”
Logan opened his mouth, looking stunned. “What the fuck?”
“I know, okay? It’s not cool to just show up but, dude. I didn’t know if you were dead or—”
“Nisha told you I was fine.”
Jay’s throat tightened. Obviously,obviously,Logan had been ignoring him, but to be told so starkly, that Logan knew Jay had been trying to reach him, had been worried about him, and had done nothing to contact him…
Logan must have read something in Jay’s expression because he closed his eyes, covering them for a moment with his hand. “Look, just…fuck, just come in a sec.”
Jay stepped inside, the door shutting softly behind him, and followed Logan to his room.
