Page 53 of Paint Eater
“Sometimes I think I’ve protected you from too much,” his mom said, sitting back. “You have no idea what the world is like for people like us.”
Logan said nothing, biting his tongue.
“I know what you think. That I’m unreasonable. That I don’t care about your happiness. But you don’t even know what happinessis.”
“Do you?” The words just slipped out of him. He tensed, waiting for his mother to snap, but she didn’t.
“Happiness is not being penniless. Happiness is being able to pay your bills, your rent, your healthcare. Happiness is being able to provide for your family. Happiness is not being shot in the street because of the way that you look. Happiness is knowing that I can send my son to a school where he will be safe, provide a future for him in which he will manage to get a little further than I ever did. That, Logan, is happiness.”
They just stared at each other. “There’s more than one way to get that. Why…I’ve done everything you asked of me. I went to the school you picked out, got into the university you wanted, doing the course you chose. All my life, I’ve associated with the people you allowed, haven’t even…I’ve never…I’ve done everything you ask. Why is being with Jay so bad?”
“Because this country was built to work against us, Logan,” she said, voice rising. “You think that’s enough? That being mediocre is enough? That doing what other people do is enough? We have to bebetterthan everybody else just to get what they’re handed. I have worked every day of my life to get here. Have started companies, have built them into empires, just to be able to live in this building. You know what our white, upstairs neighbour does for a living, Logan? He’s adentist. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I don’t want to live in an apartment like this! I just…I just want—”
“I’ve given you everything that you have, Logan—you have no idea what you want. That boy…you’ve been distracted. I know you, Logan, and you’re weak. Whatever ideas that boy has about life, you’ll follow him blindly. It’s just who you are.”
Logan realised he was shaking, fists clenched, but the truth of her words hit him with a crushing blow. “It’s not like that,” he said quietly.
“Yes, it is. You’ll spend more time with him and think, ‘This isn’t so bad.’ You’ll leave all our values behind—hard work, ambition, determination. Justlivingwill be enough. And you’ll chase after him until you’re stuck in some Brooklyn apartment, wondering how to pay your next bill, andthenyou’ll realise what happiness really is, and that you threw it all away for some boy that’s just like a million others.”
“That’s not true.”
“Logan.” Her voice softened, cajoling. “You have no idea what’s true because all you’ve had is a life of luxury. And that’s my fault, I admit that. But we are your family, and I have given youeverything.I am the one paying for your school. I’m the one paying for your future.”
They stared at each other.
“You will not—listen to me carefully, Logan. You will not see that boy again.”
Logan could hear the gavel being slammed down. He flinched, closing his eyes, trying to breathe as the weight of her expectations crushed him to the ground.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JAY
“Jay.”
Jay startled, shoving his phone face-down as his mom sat beside him on the couch. “What?”
His mom looked at him for a moment. The late afternoon light slanted through the windows, making the room glow golden as she brushed a thumb over his cheek. “Baby. What is it?”
“Nothing. I…I don’t know.” He clutched the phone in his hand again. “I haven’t heard from Logan in a week.”
His mom raised her eyebrows, opening her mouth, but Jay cut in, knowing what she was about to say.
“He’s fine. I mean, I called Nisha, and she told me he was fine but then wouldn’t say anything else, and I don’t know what I did wrong? I mean, like…”
“When was the last time you saw him?”
“At that charity function thing.”
“Right. Maybe he misunderstood and thinks you and Nisha are dating?”
That startled a laugh out of Jay. “No way.”
“All right.” She tilted away from him, a hand on her chest. “Sorry,” she joked.
Jay rolled his eyes before sobering. “Not sure he would care even if hehadseen me with someone else,” he muttered.
