Page 12 of Paint Eater
Logan’s eyes opened, and Jay was caught staring. He couldn’t even be subtle, couldn’t even look away as Logan startled at being watched, at how their bodies were an inch of warmth away.
Logan stilled completely. His eyes were darker than the night around them, peering at Jay. The sudden tension had Jay’s heart galloping forward.
Fuck, he wanted to kiss Logan so bad. And, fuck—he’d always been terrible at curbing his impulses, and this one was desperate to take hold.
His mind caught up with his body a moment too late—Jay’s lips were already on Logan’s. He didn’t even know if Logan liked guys, if he was about to be pushed away, if he had just crossed a line, if he had just ruined something Jay had wanted for—
Logan made a small noise like he was pained but not, his hands coming up and clutching at Jay’s shirt, and all thought was crushed under the force of Jay’s relief, the sudden surge of want.
He crowded Logan against the shop door, pushing him hard, biting down on Logan’s bottom lip so that he gasped and Jay could lick inside. He was careful, for a moment, making sure that it wasn’t too much, but Logan went pliant except for his hands, pulling Jay close even though there was no space left.
Jay forgot himself. Forgot the paint on his hands and the police and all the fears that niggled somewhere, unwatched.
Fuck, he loved kissing, and kissing Logan specifically, how their bodies were so close that Jay could feel Logan squirming, loved thenoisesLogan was making, like he’d never been touched before, like he was starved for it.
Jay tilted his head away for a moment to breathe, to think, but Logan moved with him instantly, making a short, aborted whine, a noise Jay couldn’t have imagined Logan making in a million years.
Silent, brooding Logan. The guy he’d pined for from afar—maybe not pined for this, exactly, but for his company, his friendship. The guy that always seemed so unapproachable at school, that Nisha barely talked about knowing. Jay understood that Logan tried to keep his secrets safe.
But here Logan was, panting wildly, asking desperately with his body for touch and pleasure, for Jay. In his wildest,wildestdreams, Jay had never thought anything so good could even happen to someone like him.
Jay clutched the nape of Logan’s neck in an attempt to ground them both, but the moan that choked out of Logan, the way his eyes flew open and stared at him with unrestrained want, had the completely opposite effect on him.
“Fuck,” Jay groaned and kissed Logan again. Slow, this time, flicking his tongue into Logan’s mouth patiently, sucking on the tip of Logan’s when it was coached inside of Jay.
The pace, the controlled way that Jay kept it even as Logan pushed for more, seemed to melt Logan bit by bit. His jaw, his shoulders, the hands on Jay’s shirt. His thighs and knees so that Jay had to practically prop him up with his body against the door.
They were both hard—Jay could feel it, wanted to grind forwards and have Logan lose the rest of his composure. Instead, Jay pulled away, letting his forehead fall on Logan’s shoulder so that he wouldn’t be tempted by the wrecked expression on Logan’s face.
Logan pulled at him for a moment, giving up when it became obvious that Jay wasn’t shifting. They let their bodies cool, catching their breaths for the second time that night, although under very different circumstances.
When Jay finally took a step away, Logan had composed himself again. His expression had stilled, no longer giving secrets away. His lips were dry, eyes assessing, almost unfeeling. Jay leaned down and kissed the high arch of his cheek just to see that discomforting look split for a moment.
“Wanna go back?” Jay murmured.
“Yeah.”
The walk to Logan’s car was silent. Jay was so caught up in his thoughts, in the phantom feel of Logan’s body against his, that he couldn’t even gauge if it was awkward or not.
They were careful as they approached where the car was parked, but nobody was waiting in the shadows for them. They put the stuff in the trunk and got in, Jay buckling his seat belt only to turn and see that Logan was sitting stiffly, staring with a blank look through the windshield.
“Uh…you okay?” Jay asked. He could feel a tense foreboding winding through him.
There was a moment of silence before Logan shook his head—more like he was getting rid of a thought instead of saying no.
“Look. I don’t want to…lead you on,” Logan said, voice measured. Jay sat back from where he had been leaning towards Logan.
“Okay,” Jay said easily even though his heart was already clenching.
“Not that…that wasn’t fun. Or whatever. But I’m not looking for a relationship.”
Jay frowned. “Oh. Okay.” He thought about it for a moment. “Not gonna lie, that kinda sucks.”
Logan looked at him in surprise, clearly not expecting Jay to just blurt that out loud but, well, that was kind of Jay’s MO.
Jay shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know, dude! I like you. But like, I get it. Kind of. Actually…why don’t you want a relationship? Like…cause of my personality, or…?”
“Don’t be stupid,” Logan scoffed, and the immediacy of that response soothed something pained in Jay’s chest.
