Page 75 of Rat Park
“That’s just…insane. And cruel.”
Dominic shrugged again. Flor’s experience with addicts didn’t really go beyond him, and that should be bad enough. Dominic, however, had been brought up by one. He had lived in that world during the years that mark a person the most, when his mind was soft clay still being shaped by the world around him.
“You don’t know ju—addicts like I do. We spread misery, okay? I don’t want that for you.”
“They spread misery?Youspread misery? Are you serious? Isn’t your therapist an addict? Aren’t most of the people who set up AA programs, who mentor and guide, who…and you! You, who are constantly doing things for others? You spread misery?” Flor said incredulously.
“You seriously can’t tell me that my actions haven’t made you miserable in the past.”
“No! They haven’t! Not in the way you’re saying! You make me crazy sometimes, sure, but that has nothing to do with you being an addict. Iwantyou in my life. That’s my decision to make! The whole ‘you being an addict’ thing is just an excuse not to take a chance. And if you actually don’t want to be with me, fine. But you don’t get to say what I deserve. That’s for me to decide.”
Dominic tilted his face away, fending off the blows of Flor’s words. There was a moment of silence, and then from the corner of his eye, Dominic saw Flor take a step closer. His chest tightened.
“Dominic. Look at me, please,” Flor said softly.
Dominic looked at him. The anger that had lain so heavily in Flor’s voice was now absent from his face.
“This is what I’m talking about. How can I believe you don’t want this when you look at me like that?” Flor said.
Dominic closed his eyes, but that just opened the door for Flor’s fingers. They pressed gently against his cheeks, trailing upwards until his hands were cupping Dominic’s face.
“Look. How about this. I’m here for just a couple of weeks. We’ll go on a few dates, like normal people. We’ll do a trial run. If, by the end of it, you don’t want this, you cut it off, and we’ll be friends, and I’ll never bring it up again.”
Dominic’s breath froze in his chest. “And if you don’t want it?” he managed to ask.
“ThenI’llcut it off. We can each decide for ourselves. Not for each other. And then we’ll know exactly where we stand.”
Dominic opened his eyes again, taking in the soft expression on Flor’s face. Flor smiled slightly, lighting up his eyes.
“Let me take you on a date,” Flor said quietly. Dominic could hear his own heartbeat like a gavel hitting wood.
“Okay,” Dominic said, falling into the way Flor’s smile took over his face.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The few days leading up to Flor and Dominic’s first real date were filled with as much dread as anticipation. Dominic tried not to let the fact that he was thirty and that this was the only date he’d ever been invited on chew away at his thoughts. He wondered what Flor’s dates had been like in the past and how this one would compare, working himself up into such a state that he had to get out of his apartment and go for a run, just to try and outpace the thoughts in his head.
Flor had insisted on being the one to drive, and he picked Dominic up in Esteban’s car.
“I get to control the radio now,” Flor proclaimed as soon as Dominic got in.
“As if you don’t do that anyway.”
“Yeah, but this time you don’t get to complain!”
Dominic snorted but smiled, the tension that had been building inside him breaking in one swift, soft moment.
Flor drove them to the Christmas market that was open until new year’s in the centre of town. It was only five o’clock, but the winter sky had retired early from the cold, leaving the moon on guard. Flor laced his arm through Dominic’s as they walked towards the town square where the market was being held. Dominic separated their arms just long enough to wind one around Flor’s middle, grateful to him and these subtle moments of bravery.
The phantom of their breaths walked in front of them, guiding them towards the stalls lined up like fruit trees, people gathering and fluttering around them. The sky overhead was mostly overcast, but the stars were replaced by strings of fairy lights hanging above.
Dominic and Flor approached the nearest stall, joining the throng. Wire creatures stood proudly on the market table, crouched in a hunting stance or sitting tall, peering up at them with their gem eyes.
“That one’s you,” Flor said, pointing at one of the wolves. Dominic snorted.
“This one looks like you,” Dominic returned, indicating one of the delicate looking deer.
“That mean you’re going to eat me up, then?” Flor asked with a mischievous smirk.
