Page 57 of Rat Park
“Absolutely not,” Dominic said at once. Flor would be starting his second year of college then.
“I wasn’t asking for your permission, I was informing you.”
Dominic clenched his teeth in frustration. “You shouldn’t miss—why aren’t you in college now?”
“It’s spring break.”
“Well. You should be somewhere warm.”
“Stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t fucking do, Dominic,” Flor bit out. Dominic watched as Flor’s eyes lowered as he tried to gather himself before looking up again. “This…the reason. The reason you relapsed. Is it because of what happened with us?”
“No, Flor. See, this is why…” Dominic shook his head. “I’m here because I’m an addict. Do you get that? I’m an addict. You can pretend all you want—”
“Who’s pretending? Who the hell is pretending, Dominic?” Flor demanded, even though he didn’t raise his voice.
“You don’t get it,” Dominic said, shaking his head. Flor clenched his jaw.
“How stupid do you think I am?” Flor whispered harshly. “I volunteer with addicts all the time. Mom is a police officer. I’m in pre-med. You think I don’t know? It’syouwho doesn’t get it.Youwho has this completely fucking altered view of reality where you’re shit and every junkie is shit and do you know how disrespectful that is? To paint every addict with one brush just because they’re addicts?”
“Maybe if you’d been brought up by one you’d do the same,” Dominic replied, but Flor didn’t give.
“Well, I wasn’t. And I see you a lot better than you see yourself,” Flor said, pointing a finger at Dominic’s face.
Dominic snorted, shaking his head. Flor opened his mouth angrily before pausing and closing it again. He took a deep breath. When he looked at Dominic again, his eyes were piercing.
“Let me ask you a question. Why do you think I kissed you? Why then, out of all the moments, why did I kiss you then?” Flor said, his voice low.
Dominic stared at him. He had no idea how to answer that, remaining silent.
“Okay, then,” Flor said. “Let me tell you. I’d invited myself to your house. Demanded you have popcorn, as a joke. Not only did you take me seriously simply because it was something I asked, but you boughtthree different types of popcornfor me, just so you could make sure I had something I liked. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“So you like popcorn,” Dominic said flatly even though something was rattling inside him.
“Don’t play stupid, Dominic. I kissed you because that’s the way you think. The way you act. The way youare.You’re always…I get that you’ve done things in the past that you’re not proud of. But the way you are now…you’re always thinking of others and you don’t even realise it. And it’s not only that. You don’t just think—youdo. The way you treat me…”
Dominic closed his eyes. This was too much, but Flor didn’t stop.
“I’m so fucking happy you’re in my life. And Mom is, and Dad. We all—we want you there. So. Fucking stop pushing us away, because you can’t get rid of us. Ever. Ever, okay?Ever.”
Dominic shook his head. There was no fucking way he was crying in this room again. Flor was far too much like his mother, in the best way possible.
As if to prove the point, Flor reached over the table and took Dominic’s hands in his. The touch was unbearable, just as Flor’s kisses had been, and his soft eyes, and the tenacity with which he refused to give up. Dominic clasped his fingers back desperately. Even if he wanted to, he didn’t know if he could let go this time.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
There was an overcast sky the day Dominic got out. This time, however, there wasn’t just an empty bus stop waiting for him. There was Cat and Esteban and Flor, smiling at him as if it was some accomplishment, getting out of prison.
As if what had happened between them had been erased by Dominic’s subsequent mistakes, Flor hugged him tightly as soon as Dominic reached them, jumping in front of his parents to get there first. Dominic couldn’t help but laugh, letting him feel the pain and the joy for a moment.
They took him to their home and Dominic helped Esteban make something for dinner, as if they had turned back more than half a year, back to when this had been a regular occurrence. The air was a little scarred, still aching from Dominic’s actions and his absence, but it was a healing sort of change.
Dominic gathered his courage and stopped the three of them from getting up from the table as they finished the meal. They looked at him curiously even as Dominic avoided their eyes.
“I just…I wanted to say. Thanks. For…you know. Everything. The visiting and for picking me up and this,” he gestured to the table. “I just…thanks.” Dominic’s voice came out rough and unused, as if the words had been locked up for a long time, ready to be heard.
“You’re family, Dominic. It’s what family does,” Cat said, as if it were as easy as that. As if with one sentence she hadn’t obliterated Dominic.
Dominic shook his head because he was nearing thirty, he’d been to prison half a dozen times, and this was the first time anybody had done something like this for him.
