Page 56 of Rat Park
“You got money for the concession?” she asked. Dominic frowned.
“What, you want to give me money now?”
“If you need it.”
“So, what? I’m your charity case now?” Dominic snapped, chafing at the thought, at the feel of her concern and her offer, at having something to lose again.
“No. You’re my friend. You’ve eaten at my table. You’ve volunteered beside me. You’re part of my community, my world. I love you, and—”
Dominic’s fists banged on the table loudly, cutting her off and making her jump. One of the guards stepped forwards.
“Hey!” he barked, but Cat held up her hand.
“It’s okay,” she said.
The guard stood tensely for another moment, giving Dominic a warning look, before stepping back again. Cat looked at Dominic carefully.
“Is it that hard to hear? That I—”
“Stop.” Dominic was shaking. He didn’t know what his body was doing or why, but it was shaking, his breath coming out unsteadily. He wanted to get up and escape back into prison, and wasn’t that an ironic thought?
“No. You messed up. I get that. You relapsed like most addicts relapse. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not the end of everything, although I bet that would make things a lot easier, huh? If you made one mistake and you didn’t have to try anymore? Well, you do. You’ve fallen down and now you have to get up and start walking again. That’s life.”
“I…”
“I’m not letting you go, Dominic. I love you, and I’m not letting you go. So, get up.”
Dominic couldn’t remember when the last time he cried was. He literally couldn’t remember. He hadn’t cried when he was a kid, learning early on it would do no good. He didn’t cry when Mason left him, when he was in prison and he thought he was going to get raped that one time and got roughed up instead, or the millions of other moments that might have warranted tears.
But now, in the middle of the prison’s visitor room, he felt tears burn his eyes and his throat close. He didn’t even know what was happening for a moment, the feeling was so foreign.
Dominic tucked his chin against his chest and hunched his shoulders. Part of him was cognizant enough to be grateful this was a neutral zone. No inmate brought up what happened in the visitor’s lounge inside. They were two separate worlds.
Dominic startled slightly as Cat put her hands over the fists he still had clenched on the table. It wasn’t like in the movies, where absolutely no touch was allowed. This little bit was okay. Her sure grip and her thumb against the back of his hand were okay.
Dominic looked at her hands, feeling his own relax in her hold. His breath still felt tight in his chest, but he tilted one of his hands slightly so Cat’s could slip inside.
There was nothing he could think to say, but he didn’t let go until time was up.
*****
Cat’s visit set a precedent. She would visit him when she could, with or without Esteban, who would appear every week too. Dominic started getting used to it—until it was Flor who appeared.
Dominic stopped in his tracks the moment he saw Flor sitting at one of the visitor’s tables under the harsh lighting of the room. He hadn’t paid attention when he was told he had a visitor, hearing “Romero” and following the guard through. Now, though, he wished he had been more prepared for the sight of Flor’s dark eyes pinning him in place.
“What are you doing here?” Dominic asked as soon as he sat down. Flor’s eyebrows twitched down in a frown.
“Hello to you too,” he replied sarcastically.
Dominic felt shame curdle his stomach, but at least now Flor would know, would be forced to acknowledge what Dominic was really like.
They sat in silence for a while, Flor looking over his face much like his mother had done the first time she had visited.
“When do you get out?” Flor said. The date of his release had changed recently, and he hadn’t had time to tell Cat and Esteban.
“In autumn.”
“Okay. I’ll take some time out of college to be here when you get out.”
