Page 93 of The Surviving Sky
She had excused Iravan, one machination after another, one rationalization after another, determined to see the best in him despite proof to the contrary, despiteadvice, but the last vine had been snipped, and there would be no return to the illusion again. He had lied, betrayed every trust, and Ahilya might as well have traded places with her sister, for something precious had died, and she was now all alone.
A keening sound escaped her. Iravan’s face distorted in concern, and he dropped Tariya’s hands and reached toward her, but it was more than Ahilya could bear. She uttered a sob, and then she was running past the dispersing architects, her hand to her mouth, her vision blurred.
Ahilya was not aware of where she was going. All she knew was that she had to get away from Iravan. She ran through the ashram, a hatred like she had never known coursing through her. Again and again, she saw him unleash the spiralweed at Bharavi. She saw Bharavi’s body spasm. She saw him walk away. His face flashed in front of her eyes, speaking words of duplicitous remorse, the things he had dared to say to Tariya, the things he had dared to say toher. Trust me, he had said.Trust me. She had trusted him and lost it all now, her marriage, her work, her family, and Ahilya ran past trees and startled faces, sobbing relentlessly. She should never have tied her future to Iravan’s. She should never have made that bargain. She should have ended it when she could.
Somehow, she found herself back home.
Firemint assaulted her as soon as she entered,Iravan’sscent. Ahilya grabbed a satchel and snatched her clothes and books, hurling them into the bag. She would go to Tariya’s. She would live with her sister for a little while. The boys would need her,Tariyawould need her. The despair would take her sister soon; there was nothing to compare this event to, no other provocation.
Ahilya reached for her kurtas, her hands brushing over her crimson wedding saree, clutching it, releasing it, when the bark behind her creaked open. She jumped, startled, and there was Iravan.
He strode in, running his hands through his thick salt-and-pepper hair.
“I looked for you,” he said, then stopped as his gaze took her in. “What are you doing? Were you going to Tariya’s? She won’t behome—thenurses have taken her and the boys to the citizens’ infirmary to heal. They will allow you to visit but not to stay. Tariya will need treatment andcounsel—andthey will help her. One of the councilors will speak to her.”
Ahilya said nothing. A cold clarity had descended over her; she was suddenly seeing everything for the first time. She reached for the rest of her clothes, and Iravan watched her, pressing the base of his neck, confused. When she continued to remain silent, he shook his head.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, beginning to pace in front of her. “I have to set things right. I can’t go down thatpath—Ican’t—Youare my onlysalvation—Ishould have known that. Withoutyou—Allofthis—Itcame home to me afterthe—Butthat’s not relevant. This entire time, it’s been like I’m in the middle of another earthrage. Mylife—thecouncil, being anarchitect—noneof these matter. I don’t care about the things you’vedone—thespiralweed, thesmuggling—andthe council and itssecrets—Idon’t care anymore. If this tragedy has taught me anything, it’s that you are my life, Ahilya. You are mypriority—itshould have been the obvious path, but I was too blind. It was a mistake from the verybeginning—”
Ahilya’s heart pounded in her chest. Even now, his words burrowed in her heart, contaminating her clarity. Despite everything, his face was relentlessly handsome, the laugh lines visible, his eyes brooding.He’s a charmer, Ahilya. Stop lying to yourself.
“What are you trying to say?” she asked bluntly.
Iravan stopped pacing. He turned her away from her packing.
His gaze held hers, and his hands gripped her shoulders.
“I love you. I love you so much, Ahilya. Ineedyou. You’re the only one who can save me. I know I’ve been a terrible husband, but I can be better. I can be whoever you want me to be.”
For a long moment, Ahilya stayed unmoving. His grip on her shoulders was tight, intimate. His scent was almost overpowering. Very nearly, she leaned into his embrace, but she saw herself from afar, the temptation, theneedfor him like the acutest hunger, the urge to make things right and forgive him. A cold anger washed over her.
Iravan’s earnest gaze faltered. He released her but didn’t move away.
“You’re right,” Ahilya said slowly. “Itwasa mistake from the beginning.”
Iravan’s brow creased. Ahilya took a step back. “I’m leaving,” she said. “We’re done.”
There was a long silence.
They stared at each other.
“I don’t understand,” Iravan said at last.
“I’m finished,” she replied. “Finished with us, finished with this farce. You said it yourself. It was a mistake from the beginning.”
Ahilya turned away, awash in the disbelief of her own words. Her vision tunneled, as the gravity of what she’d said settled into her. Her hands shook as she picked up more books. She was moving involuntarily now, just another device from the solar lab. This had been inevitable, and that it was happening, finally happening, left her empty inside.
Iravan’s voice became very quiet. “You are saying this now. After everything I just told you. After the way wewere—yesterday.Why?”
“You know why.”
“Because you think I’m lying? That I’m incapable of change?”
“You did change. That has been the trouble all along. If you did it once, you can do it again.”
“But you’re still ending this marriage.”
“You said your priorities were confounded. I’m making it easier.”
