Page 30 of Love At First Fright
“Have you always had dogs?” Rosemary asked.
The memory of Hank flooded him; that night on the wet, dark pavement. His laboured breathing. The cold, matted fur. Ellis swallowed.
“Yes.” He needed to change the subject. “You said you get anxious?”
Rosemary nodded, no doubt seeing through his attempt to change the subject.
“It’s probably not something you’d be very familiar with, my particular brand of anxiety.”
“Try me.”
“Hmm. Well, since my debut came out and was successful, there’s this need to keep the momentum going. You need torelease a book a year to cement yourself in the industry. And then when you’ve been in the industry for a while, readers and publishers begin to expect a book a year. But it’s not as simple as that. You’re not just drafting the book. You’re also researching the next book, and doing your copyedits on the one you delivered a few months before. You’re promoting yourself online, attending events and panels, publishing articles, recording podcasts. It’s hard not to feel like you’re drowning. I’d been able to manage it but recently, with this last book, I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point. There are only so many hours in a day, and there are so many people who need things from me. And when I sit at the blank screen and try and be creative, all I can think is how the next words I write are going to define my salary and self-worth for the next few years. It’s…a lot.”
Ellis blew out a long breath. He didn’t think Rosemary had meant to tell him all of that but that it sort of slipped out of her.
“Do you talk to your friends about it?”
“I…sometimes. But they’re so busy with their own lives, and I know that I’m living the author dream that so many other people want, so I can’t really complain about it. I don’t want to trouble them with my silly problems.”
Ellis stopped walking, and placed his hands on Rosemary’s shoulders, stilling her.
“They’re not silly problems, love. You’re under an enormous amount of stress.”
She sighed. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“No one would blame you if you needed to take more time to deliver the next book.”
“I know that, I do know that, but I…it’s too embarrassing to say.”
“Tell me. Please.”
“I like impressing them. I like getting the praise, the industry approval.”
Although this wasabsolutely notthe time for it, Ellis couldn’t help but imagine all the ways he could praise Rosemary.
“I understand,” he said, squeezing her shoulders lightly under his touch. Her tense muscles seemed to relax a little with his hands on her. “It’s sort of how I feel with each movie. Everything in my career hinges on my most recent bout of acting, and each movie can make or break my career.”
She let out a little snort. “I find it hard to imagine you nervous.”
“Ha, then I must be a better actor than I thought. You know, you could try something that worked for me once. I go in, and I promise myself that the only thing I need to do is turn up. I turn up, and then I’ve achieved what I needed to for that day. The rest of the job is additional stuff. Somehow, it takes the pressure off. The goal is achievable, and so the rest of it doesn’t feel as insurmountable.”
“Just turn up.” Rosemary was nodding to herself. “I promise I’ll try.”
12
“Do you want the goodnews or the bad news?” Ellis’s makeup artist Tania looked back at him from the wide mirror, a bag of fake hair in her hand.
“Hit me with the good news.”
“Well, you won’t need to keep shaving, you can let all that silver fox stubble grow out,” she said, unabashedly flirting as if she weren’t the same age as his mother, “but the bad news is you’re going to have to wear these bad boys.” Tania held up a pair of thick, dark brown, adhesive muttonchops. Ellis grimaced.
“Do you want to hear the worst part?”
“I sense you’re about to tell me.”
“I’m not even sure what kind of hair it is. But I’m sure it’s natural.”
“My money is on horsehair,” Aaron chimed in from their corner of the room, where they were steaming Ellis’s costume.
