Page 57 of Damnation
“Oh, okay, I.…honestly, I don’t think that would be a good idea…” I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea again. And I really don’t want to mess up my relationship with Thomas over a stupid coffee. So I give him a smile and go to leave, but he gently grabs my arm.
“Vanessa, wait, please… I’m just asking for one meetup. Just one, in broad daylight, wherever you want… I just want to tell you how sorry I am for coming between you and Thomas the other night.”
“Don’t worry about that; there’s no need. I know you’re sorry, and so am I.” I pull my arm back. “Let’s just forget all about it.”
“The truth is, I can’t. I can’t forget…” I hear him whisper, his head bowed. Does he mean he can’t forget the events of that night or that he can’t forget…me?
Something tells me that’s exactly what this is about, and I force myself to obliterate any hopes he might have. “Logan, I know I handled our situation poorly, and I disrespected you by hanging out with Thomas while you and I were seeing each other. But…I’m with him now. I’m in love with him, and that’s not going to change. So if there’s even a small chance that you still have any interest in me, then I think the best thing for you to do is to stay away from me.”
“I don’t want to stay away from you; I just want—” he starts to say, sounding dejected.
“No,” I interrupt him abruptly. Maybe I seem rude, but he has to understand the situation. “I’m sorry about everything, truly. You’re a good guy, and I am sure that you are going to find the right person for you very soon. But that person isn’t me.” I don’t give him time to answer, though I can see the disappointment in his face. Instead, I head for the elevators so I can go find Alex and Thomas.
***
Thomas and I sit in his tree house, our legs swinging in the air, two cans of Coke and some fries between us as we watch the starry sky above. We came here after class, and now I’m enjoying the light breeze that caresses my face, tousling my hair a bit. To protect myself from the cold, I’m wearing one of Thomas’s heavy sweatshirts, which falls below my butt. Lately, I’ve been finding myself stealing them more and more often.
I’m telling him about my latest adventures at the Marsy when his phone rings. He answers it with his usual surly voice. “Hey…yeah, everything’s fine, you? Don’t worry about it; I’ll make sure nobody touches anything.” He smiles and then turns to look at me. “She’s fine too. I’ll give you to her; she’s right here.”
I frown and ask him who it is in a low voice. He mouths “Leila” before handing me the phone, adding: “She wants to make sure I’m behaving myself.” He shakes his head in resignation as I grin.
Thomas has been agitated since Monday, when his sister went back to Portland, and he’s been in touch with her constantly these days to make sure that being with their parents isn’t upsetting her too much. Although he doesn’t show it, I can tell that he’s tormented by the idea of her being alone there with them.
“Hey!” I exclaim, putting the phone to my ear.
“Did my brother tell the truth? Is he behaving?”
“He’s doing his best.” I chuckle, glancing at Thomas, who glowers in return.
“Maybe I should leave more often, then,” Leila answers with humor.
“But how are you doing? Are you keeping up with your classes? Do you need me to get some notes from your classmates?”
“Right now, I can follow along online without a problem. But I do have a favor to ask you.”
“I’m all ears.”
“You remember that I’m on the editorial staff of the university newspaper, right?”
“Of course. I read your article about accidents caused by cell phones. You did a great job. I saw that it was republished in theCorvallis Gazette-Timesand theAlbany Democrat-Herald. What an achievement!” I glance at Thomas, excited about his sister’s success.
“Oh, thanks so much,” she answers shyly. “But I do have a small problem. I’m supposed to deliver an article next week about the police’s abuse of power in this country. But being here in Portland is slowing me down a lot; I can’t focus the way I need to. And I was wondering if you could…well, if you could help me?”
I feel my heart start pounding at the prospect, and in a rush of enthusiasm, I answer her before really thinking. “That would be an honor!”
“Oh my God, you’ll really do it?” she exclaims, relieved.
I nod, as though she can see me, while I keep Thomas’s curiosity at bay with a wave of my hand.
“Of course! I’ve never done it before, but I’ve always wanted to. Do you already have some material I could work with?”
“Yeah, I’ve collected several sources and put together some notes. A lot of notes. I’ll email you everything tonight. Thanks, thanks, thanks!”
“Don’t thank me,” I answer, grinning. “Instead, tell me, do you think they’ll let me join the staff to work on this article, even if I’m not regularly a part of the paper?”
“I’ll let them know, don’t worry. I’ll tell them you’re taking my place until I return.”
“Great!” I rub a hand on my pants, brushing off some grains of salt with my fingers. Hoping I don’t sound too intrusive, I ask, “So…how are thing going at home?” Next to me, Thomas stiffens almost imperceptibly.
