Page 2 of Damnation
Part One
One
Here I remain, with tears in my eyes and dead leaves stuck to the soles of my shoes. I stare at the empty place in front of me, where, up until a few minutes ago, Thomas was.
He’s gone.
Unable to process what just happened, I drag myself up on to the porch, slide my bag off my shoulder, and dump it on the step before sitting down and closing my eyes for a moment. But even then, all I see is him.
His look of disappointment, resentment, and guilt. It was my own guilt I saw reflected in him. Guilt for not listening to him, for not believing him. For always being so naive and needing to begood. A warm, moist wind ruffles my hair, sending unruly black locks all around my face. I start to gather my hair into a ponytail before I realize that I no longer have a hair tie on my wrist. Great, I must have lost it somewhere.
My God, how stupid can I be?
How did I end up in this situation? How could I let this happen to me?
I rub my temples; I can feel a migraine coming on as I try to piece together the scattered fragments of the last few hours. Everything seems so confused and nonsensical. I remember confessing to Logan that I had feelings for Thomas and then storming indignantly to the door after the nasty things Logan said about him. But I also remember being coaxedinto staying. He didn’t want to be alone, he told me. And I let myself be swayed by his pleading tone. So we started watching TV, and then…it’s a total blank…
A flash of lightning illuminates the sky, tearing the darkness into pieces. The thunder that follows makes the porch railing vibrate. I lift my face to watch the rain pour down. Where is Thomas going? Possible answers to that question terrify me. A small part of me is afraid that I already know exactly what he’ll do.
Another, more powerful roll of thunder makes me jolt. It’s as though the sky is agreeing with my silent, heartbreaking assumption. With my brain reeling from all sorts of repugnant imaginings and my soul in an uproar, I pull out my cell phone and try to call Thomas. But after just two rings, it goes to voicemail, which only reminds me how much I hate communicating via phone. I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut in frustration before I start mangling my fingernails.Calm down, Vanessa. Relax. He’s not Travis. He’s not going to go hop into someone else’s bed while I’m alone here. He won’t do it.
Right?
I pick up my phone again, but this time I try to contact the one person who can give me the answers I need. Or at least I hope so.
“Nessy?” Tiffany answers after just a few rings, sounding alarmed. How can I blame her? I’d be worried too if I got a call from her in the middle of the night. In the background on her end, however, I hear a cacophony of music and indistinct voices. As I figured, she’s at the party Thomas mentioned earlier.
“Hey, Tiff, do you have a minute?”
“Sure. Are you okay? What’s up?”
For a moment, I’m tempted to tell her everything, but upon thinking about it, I restrict myself to the bare minimum. I’ll be able to explain more fully tomorrow.
“Nothing you need to worry about. Actually, I just wanted to know…” I sniffle and try to calm myself down. “Y-you’re at a party, right?”
“Yeah, Carol threw a movie party. It was supposed to be a quietnight in, but it quickly turned into a zoo,” she complains, moving away from the noise. “But why do you ask?”
“Well, I…I wanted to know if, by any chance, Thomas was around?”
“Around?” is her bewildered reply. “Why on earth would he be here without you knowing about it?” She pauses thoughtfully, then exclaims: “Wait a minute… Don’t tell me he’s being an idiot again. That’s it, isn’t it? God, if I see him, he’s dead. I swear, I’m gonna grab him by that Danny Zuko hair of his and make him wish he’d never—”
I break in, hesitant. “It was me. I’m the one being an idiot this time.”
“What?”
“I did something stupid. Really, really stupid,” I admit. “He got mad and just took me home without saying another word. I haven’t been able to contact him since.” I rest a hand over my eyes and, heartbroken, hang my head. “He was completely beside himself when he left, and now he’s not answering my calls, and you know how he is… You know what happens when he gets angry. He can’t think straight, and he winds up doing stupid things. I’m afraid he might…” The mere idea of Thomas sleeping with someone else makes the words wither in my mouth. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to shove that nightmare scenario aside.
“It’s okay; I get it,” Tiffany says, sensing my fears. “Listen, Thomas wasn’t here when I got here, but he showed up just before eleven thirty. He only stayed a couple of hours and then left. He seemed tense, honestly, and I haven’t seen him since.”
I should be relieved that he’s not at Carol’s party, but instead I’m even more anxious than before. If he’s not there, then where is he? I reject out of hand the idea that he might have gone home; he was too angry to hide inside the four walls of his room.
“Do you know where else he might have gone? I mean, it’s Monday; I’m guessing there aren’t that many other parties going on tonight, right?”
“Maybe at the frat house? I heard Finn was doing something for his birthday.”
This is going from bad to worse. If Finn was throwing a party, Thomas surely would have gone, and he’s not the only one. An awful idea pops into my head.
“Tiff, do you happen to know if Shana is there?” I ask, biting the inside of my cheek in embarrassment.
