Page 17 of Damnation
“In a little over a month, it’ll be Christmas and Stella’s birthday,” Alex explains after we load our trays with macaroni and cheese and sit down at one of the tables near the windows overlooking the lawn. “I want to surprise her.”
“I love surprises! What kind?” I inquire.
“I haven’t decided, which is why I need your help. I want something unforgettable.”
“Alex.” I look tenderly at him, moved by his sweetness. “I’m morethan happy to help you, but I’m sure that, whatever you do, she’ll be happy.”
“I hope so,” he answers, emptying a can of Coke into his glass and letting it foam. “Either way, I was thinking about a trip.”
I look at him, wondering why he needs my advice. “That’s a great idea; I wish someone would surprise me like that.”
“Do you think it’s too much? After all, we’ve only really known each other for a few months.”
I hurriedly shake my head. “Not at all. In fact, I think it’s a great way for you two to get to know each other better. Do you have a destination in mind?”
“No, that’s where you come in. My first thought was Paris, but then I thought maybe that’s too much of a cliché, so then I considered Aspen or New York.”
“First of all, Paris is never a cliché, but flying to Europe would be a lot,” I tell him, digging my fork into the macaroni. “Aspen has its own special charm, with all those wood chalets and everything. I gotta say, though, that the Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Center has always seemed like a really magical experience to me. I’ve always wanted to go skating on that giant ice rink, framed by all those enchanting lights,” I continue dreamily.
We finish lunch, evaluating the different potential destinations, and in the end, Alex takes my advice and decides that New York is the place for them. When the cafeteria starts to get crowded, a few of his friends from his photography class invite him to sit with them. He turns to me as though he’s going to ask my permission. Since I don’t require a babysitter, I smile at him and shoo him away with a friendly shove. I follow him with my eyes until, through the cafeteria window, I spot Thomas outside on the lawn. He’s leaning against the trunk of a tree, one knee propped up, concentrating on smoking a cigarette with a copper-haired girl.
I feel a small trembling in my chest. That’s not his sister. It’s not even Shana. So who is she?
The girl hands him a flyer, smiling and resting her hand on his armlonger than necessary as she tells him something. I stiffen immediately as a burst of jealousy spikes in my chest.
A sick thought bubbles up in my mind:Is this someone he replaced me with when I stood him up in the staff bathroom?
Thomas drops his gaze to her hand. He looks almost annoyed but does absolutely nothing to distance himself from her.
God, I’m such an idiot. Did I really sacrifice my reading group time just so I could be present for…this?
Dammit, Thomas.
Fed up, I look away from the scene in front of me. Just because Thomas looked after me in my time of need for one night doesn’t mean things have changed between us. We aren’t together. Thomas is not my boyfriend. And he’s not going to be. We are both free to do what we want, aren’t we? I have no right to throw a fit if I see him with someone else.
Theoretically.
In practice, I can feel my blood boiling in my veins, and I hate myself for giving him this power, for letting him make me feel so vulnerable. But I push aside these intrusive thoughts and instead take my laptop out of my bag. Time to consult the various rental sites, flagging the listings most likely to be in my price range.
Several minutes pass like this, until I spot movement to my right. Thomas takes a seat next to me, setting his lunch tray on the table.
“Am I understanding this correctly? Did you ditch me to hang out with your little friend?” he snaps, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice.
“Pardon me?” I answer vaguely.
“He’s your ‘unexpected situation,’ I suppose?” he notes and, from the corner of my eye, I can see him glaring at Alex’s table.
“We ran into each other in the hallway; he needed advice, and I didn’t want to leave him alone,” I inform him, not taking my eyes away from the screen and continuing to scroll slowly.
“So you left me alone.”
When I finally choose to look up, the blazing intensity in his eyes gives me a start.
“Looks like you consoled yourself pretty quickly,” I reply after a moment of hesitation, flashing him my very fakest smile.
Thomas gives me a puzzled look. “What are you talking about?”
A wave of shame washes over me. I am aware that I might be making a big deal out of nothing here. After all, the girl only handed him a flyer; they probably didn’t even know each other.Dammit.
