Page 111 of Damnation
“Are you still talking about him?” I interrupt, digging my hands into my hair. “Are you ever going to be able to accept that he was a jerk?”
“You cannot tell me that this is what you want for yourself! Spending your life with a drunk who can barely stand up? Having to make up lies to explain his tardiness when he’s too drunk to show up on time for a simple dinner with your mother? That is not how I raised you! That is not what I taught you!” I see her hand fly into the air, but with quicker reflexes than I was expecting, Thomas grabs my mother’s arm just before her palm collides violently with my face for a second time.
“Don’t you dare,” he says clearly and angrily.
I observe this scene in shock, my heart beating wildly.
“My daughter made a huge mistake with you. The biggest mistake of her life!” she spews at him. “She gave up everything she had for you, and this is how you repay her? You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he says, surly even as he releases his grip on her wrist.
She gives him a shocked look, eyebrows raised. “Are you kidding?”
“Mom, please juststop!” My legs are trembling at the idea of Thomas learning the truth.
But she ignores my pleading, unleashing all her anger instead. “What do you think is the reason for our estrangement? It’s you, of course. When I gave her a choice, she picked you and threw everything else away!”
Silence descends.
“I didn’t know that,” he admits, troubled. “Is that true?” he adds, turning to look at me, disappointment plain on his face.
My heart pounds faster and faster; I can feel my cheeks burning. “Thomas…” I murmur, my voice trembling.
“Oh, don’t pretend you were in the dark about this,” she continues furiously as Thomas and I just keep staring at each other as if we are the only two people in existence.
The words are stuck in my throat. My eyes beg him tearfully not to let her get in his head. He gives me nothing but dismay in return.
Meanwhile, in the background, my mother just continues her rant. “My daughter left home to be with an animal like you. You’ve wrecked her life, deluded her into thinking you could offer her things you’ll never really be able to give her! My daughter was happy before you. Carefree! Look at her now! Do you see what you’ve done to her?” She waves her arms like a madwoman.
Hearing these words, Thomas visibly surrenders. As if they have affected him more than he wants to let on. As if, in reality, all my mother has done is give voice to his own darkest thoughts. So he turns and leaves.
I don’t think twice before I run after him.
“Vanessa, come back here!” my mother yells, in the midst of a nervous breakdown.
“Shut up!” I answer, not even bothering to turn around. And before Thomas can get the car door open, I grab him by the back of his shirt and block his way. “Let me explain!”
“There’s nothing to explain. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have done a lot of the things that I did.” He sighs and looks back at my mother, chewing on the corner of his lip. “Go back to her. Your mother is right; you’ve deluded yourself, and it’s my fault for letting you.”
“What? No…no, she’s not right. She said all those nasty things just because she hates you! Don’t fall for it!”
He moves his hand over his mouth and then his jaw, sighing. “Is what she said true? Am I the reason you left home? That you put your education at risk?”
I don’t understand anything anymore. Panic strangles me. This is all happening too fast. “I–It wasn’t just about you. She wanted to control my life. All my choices, Thomas.”
“And was I one of them?”
I put my hands in my hair and then pull them out again. “Not in the way you’re thinking!”
“Yeah, but still! I don’t want to be the reason you end up homeless or without a mother or unable to fucking study!”
“What was I supposed to do?”
Thomas goggles at me. “You were supposed to listen to her! We’re not in one of your fucking romance novels, where you can blow up your whole life for a fucking crush! If you have to give up everything to be with me, I don’t want you!” He shouts it into my face with an intensity that paralyzes me. Then he turns his back on me and climbs back into the car. A moment later, Vince, visibly embarrassed, starts the car, and they drive away.
I stand there, watching the car disappear as Thomas’s words echo in my ears. Behind me, I also hear that Victor’s come out of the restaurant. He asks my mother what’s going on, and I hear her rambling. I blink and break out of the catatonic state I’ve been in. The anger I feel toward my mother dominates all my other emotions—enough to make me fight back. I turn my stare on the woman who gave life to me and now seems to take a ghoulish pleasure in trying to ruin it for me. Then, I rush over to her.
“Are you happy?” My voice is shaking with fury.
