Page 26 of Damnation
Seven
Seated on a leather sofa with one arm thrown over the armrest and his legs slightly spread, Thomas holds a glass of beer. He didn’t put any gel in his hair, just the way I like it. When he gets up and raises an arm to greet someone, I see that the dark jeans he’s wearing are low-slung enough to reveal the elastic of his boxers. It’s a perfect mix of sensuality and audacity—absolutely irresistible. I’m almost angry at the thought that every girl in here gets to admire all this bounty.
Following an uncontrollable instinct, I move toward him. I shouldn’t. I should be dancing with my girls and having fun on my own, just like he appears to be doing. But I seem to be drawn to him by some force that is impossible to ignore.
Thomas sets his glass on the table and leans over a boy sitting on the other side of the sofa, pinning the guy down with a knee in his stomach while he punches him in the shoulder. They laugh and clown around cheerfully, and Thomas seems so different from how I’m used to seeing him that it makes me want to hide in a corner and just watch him, enraptured, for the rest of the night. The other boy gets to his feet, and I realize that he’s the obnoxious dude I met in the cafeteria today: Blake. Thomas takes his beer from the table and brings it to his mouth.
The closer I get to him, the more I feel a strange sense of anxiety. He’s surrounded by at least five other guys, some of them standing, others sitting and drinking or fiddling with something on thetable. The psychedelic lights of the club make it tough for me to decipher faces and movements. Except for one, a face I would recognize anywhere.
I feel an electric shock run down my back as a pair of blue eyes intercepts my gaze. They stare at me, alert and confused before a cruel smile spreads across that perfect face. A moment later, Shana reaches out and wraps her arms around Thomas’s neck, planting a kiss in the hollow of his throat. My own throat closes as if caught in a vise. I try to swallow and discover that I can’t. My beer tumbles from my hand, smashing on the floor, and the urge to run as far away as possible and hide from everything is so strong that I don’t even think about it. The last thing I see before I turn and flee is Thomas pulling away from Shana and sitting back on the sofa with the other guys.
I can’t believe this.
My heart is thumping wildly in my chest. I speed toward the exit because I have to get some air. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. Why is he here with her? Why didn’t he tell me? Why is he letting her touch him? Hug him?Kisshim?
After throwing a few elbows here and there, I finally manage to push my way to the exit, but just as I’m about to grab the door handle, Tiffany appears in front of me. “Here, hon!” she says as she hands me one of the two glasses she is holding, filled with some colorful cocktail. “Leila managed to get them from that cute bartender!” She points to a guy behind the bar.
“I–I don’t want it. I have to get out of here.” I push the glass back into her hands, walking past her to get out the door. Outside on the patio, I breathe in the cold air.
“Hey, what’s the matter with you?” Tiff asks worriedly, chasing after me.
“Thomas is here. With her…” I turn to look at Tiffany in shock, my heart beating so hard it actually hurts. “With Shana.”
Her eyes widen. “What?!”
I nod, rubbing my forehead. “I saw them together not two minutes ago. As soon as she spotted me, she practically pounced on him.God…” I shake my head and cover my face with my hands, embittered and disgusted with myself. “I am so stupid.”
“Hey!” Tiffany scolds, taking my hands in hers. “You are not stupid at all. Now, you get back in there and have it out with him. And if you can’t do it, I will!”
“I can’t…” I gasp. “I can’t just bust in there like a crazy person and demand an explanation.”
“You can, actually. In fact, you have to.”
“No, Tiff. He and I are not together. He is not my boyfriend! Thomas can say whatever he wants about how it’s just him and me, but do you know what it all really is? Just a bunch of bullshit! In reality, he doesn’t feel any obligation toward me, and this is clear proof. And I knew that; I knew it from the beginning!”
“Nessy, don’t jump to conclusions…”
“I am not about to pretend that I don’t know what just happened in there, and I’m not going to relive what happened with Travis either. If Shana felt free to kiss him, then that’s because he lets her do it,” I continue, my voice shaking. “I want to go.”
“Just listen for a second, okay?” Tiffany sets the cocktails down on a patio table near us and gently grips my shoulders. “You saw exactly what she wanted you to see, because she’s a giant bitch. But you can’t let one moment ruin your whole evening. The fact that they are here together doesn’t mean anything; they have lots of friends in common, and you know it. And if you’ve decided to head down this path with Thomas, then you have to learn to trust him. I know that after what my brother did to you, it’s hard to trust. It would be hard for anyone, but Thomas isn’t Travis. He’s an asshole for sure, an arrogant one, and he can be a real bastard sometimes, but he isn’t Travis. I’m sure he has a good explanation for this.”
I give a skeptical snort and cross my arms over my chest—I’m starting to shiver in the cold. “And what explanation would that be? I can’t even talk to my platonic best friend, but he can get his neck slobbered on by the girl he was fucking up until a few weeks ago?”
I can see from Tiffany’s face that I’ve made a good point.
“I’m not saying you’re wrong, but standing out here brooding isn’t going to give you the answers you want. Go in there and deal with the situation. Get pissed if you want. But running away isn’t the answer. It never is.” She brings her hands back to my shoulders and gives me a firm look. “Don’t let Shana get you down. If he’s going to have fun without you, then show him you can have fun without him too!”
I convince myself that Tiffany might be right.
We grab our drinks and head back inside the club. I am determined to enjoy every second of this evening to the fullest. To hell with Thomas and to hell with Shana. I down my cocktail in one gulp, rage igniting my chest. The alcohol burns a path down my throat; I close my eyes and let the heat wash over me. I leave my jacket in the coat check and disappear back into the crowd to continue dancing with Tiffany and Leila.
We go completely wild on the dance floor, and after a while, we are joined again by the three guys from before. My friends pick back up with their two from before, while the third gets behind me again. This time, I’m not leaving. I keep moving to the beat, starting to feel a liberating effect from the alcohol coursing through my bloodstream. I slide my hands over my breasts, down my torso, and finally to my hips. I close my eyes, imagining he is here with me and not with her. And then I am picturing her lips on his skin. It hurts.
But I just keep moving, uninhibited. I pull up my hair and let it fall to the side. Two hands rest delicately on my hips. I suck in a breath, deluding myself for a moment that it might be him. But that hope dissolves in a hurry; he doesn’t touch me like this. Thomas’s touch is devastating, wild, and possessive. When he touches me, he claims every part of me. My back bumps into the stranger’s chest as he decides to ramp up our dancing. My backside is rubbing against his pelvis, we begin to move together, and I try to stifle the feeling of revulsion that tells me to get away from him. His lips move closer to my neck, and his hands stray to the exposed skin of my thighs. When I feel his fingers wandering underneath the hem of my dress, I immediately come to my senses.
What am I doing?
I pull myself away from him forcefully and flee. Water. I need water.
