Page 15 of Damnation
“You can’t keep a thing like that hidden. If he finds out—”
“He won’t.”
Tiffany levels an unconvinced stare at me. “Honey—”
I cut her off, feeling a lump forming in my throat. “No, Tiff, I’m serious. If I told him, he would just blame himself and end up pushingme away, because he’d think that would solve the problem. And that’s not what I want, not now that I feel like I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been.”
I can feel the weight of Tiffany’s scrutinizing gaze. Then she rubs both hands over her face, sighing deeply. “Fine, I’ll keep my mouth shut. You’ll be safe at my place for now.”
“It’ll just be temporary, I promise. I’m going to try to get a meeting with the financial aid office.”
“For what?”
“I’m thinking of applying for student loans.”
“Student loans?” she echoes, disgruntled.
I nod. “My scholarship only covers about half the tuition and fees. With a loan, I could pay for the rest and get a spot in the dorms. With my wages from the Marsy, I should be able to pay it off in a couple of years and make ends meet in the meantime. I’ve been thinking about it for a while; it should work.”
“Wow…” Tiff rubs her temples before shaking her head. “You’ll work for who knows how many years to pay back a loan. Have you thought about that?”
I shrug and lower my gaze, trying to ignore the weight I feel in my stomach. “I have to focus on the present; there’s nothing else I can do. And, right now, a loan seems like the only possible alternative.”
After these words, we both fall into a thick silence, more telling than any verbal reply.
“Hey, here’s what we’ll do,” she says sweetly, after a few seconds. “I’ll take you to the Marsy right now, and when your shift is over, I’ll pick you up, and we’ll have a nice pizza and movie night, the kind you like. We can invite Alex too.”
I smile gratefully at her. She smiles back and adds: “I promise you that we will find a solution.”
I nod, though I am not at all convinced.
Five
The more time passes, the more I lose hope. Finding a place to live in this city seems to have become an impossible task. Four days have passed. Four days of exhausting research, and still I find myself staying at the Baker royal palace—a less than ideal situation. Tiffany was right; her father is loading her up with all the pressure that, up until a few weeks ago, was on Travis’s shoulders. And just as I feared, it doesn’t feel like her parents are thrilled about my presence at this particular moment.
Alex offered to let me stay with him as soon as I told him about the situation. It’s not that the idea of moving in with him doesn’t appeal to me, but I’m determined to figure out something by myself. I can’t continue to be a burden on my friends. And I refuse to step foot back in Thomas’s dorm. As lovely as it was spending the night with him, I have no desire to relive that awkward wake-up courtesy of Larry.
I struggle to put aside my familial and rental problems to concentrate on my reading group’s discussion, just like I do every other Saturday morning. The novel we’ve chosen for this month isThe Scarlet Letter. A junior named Kate is reading a crucial passage: “‘No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.’”
The phone in my pocket vibrates, alerting me to a new text.
Where are you?
I grin; it’s from Thomas, or, as I’ve dubbed him, the Grinch. I was going to save his number in my contacts under his actual name, but then I thought better of it. I needed something different, something that represented him completely. Something likeMiscreantorArrogant Broodster. Then I had an epiphany: the Grinch! Surly and bad-tempered to anyone who tries to get close—the perfect nickname for Thomas.
At reading group, I answer.
Do you have much longer?
I look at the clock, which reads 11:37.Twenty minutes, tops.
Can you leave early? Like, say…now?
I shift in my seat, curious.What’s wrong, Collins? You missing me?
Come to the fifth-floor staff bathroom. I’ll meet you there.
I smother a smile.Students aren’t allowed in that bathroom.
