Page 75 of Collision
“Who was that?” Dammit, I cannot help myself.
“Shana,” he replies tonelessly, showing no emotion. I can feel him watching me, waiting for a reaction.
My heart leaps into my throat and I start to feel hot. “So, you’re seeing her tomorrow?” I ask with feigned nonchalance.
“I don’t think that’s anything new.”
A pang in my heart catches me unprepared, but I try to hide how his frankness hurts me. Suddenly I feel like such a fool. Tomorrow, he’ll go back to Shana, and I will be eaten up with regret for letting him do all this to me. I don’t even have the right to get mad at him because he has been clear from the beginning. It was stupid, falling for it again, hook, line, and sinker.
“Well, no wonder you two get along so well. After all, you have so much in common. You’re both assholes and the same kind of petty.” In response, I get only silence. I get out of bed and head for the window opposite. I need a moment to clear my head. Was Alex right? Am I messing with Thomas to escape the pain that Travis caused me? Part of me is tempted to believe it. Yet, the other part of me knows full well that whenever Thomas is nearby, I can’t think of anyone but him. His haunted emerald eyes pull me in like a magnet. Did I let this happen because I’m weak? Naive? Or am I just a masochist? I wipe two traitorous tears from my cheeks. “Why did you come here,Thomas?” I ask faintly, with my eyes turned to the dark night sky outside the window.
“I felt like it.”
“You felt like it,” I repeat with disappointment in my voice. “You wanted a…a dalliance?”
He remains silent for a few seconds. Seconds in which my heart breaks.
“If I wanted a dalliance, I would have stayed where I was.”
I close the window and turn around, thankful for the darkness of the room that keeps him from seeing my tear-streaked face.
“I don’t understand why you didn’t,” I mumble. I reach the bed, feeling his eyes on me. “You’ll stay here until my mother has gone to sleep. In the meantime, get out of the bed. I would like to sleep.” I grab the quilt and cover myself up to my chin before turning my back to him.
“Ness…”
“Good night,” I answer shortly.
I hear him sigh. A few seconds later he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me against him. I feel his warm, muscular chest against my back.
“Thomas, let me go.” I try to fight him off, but he holds me even tighter, burying his nose in my hair. I hate the effect he has on me. He annihilates me. He manages to make me feel things I shouldn’t. He makes me feel light and desired one moment, wretched and disconsolate the next. And now—now I want him to hug me, to hold me against him all night long, because I need it. Especially after the intimacy we shared, a connection that I’ve never had with anyone before. Not even with Travis. But I am not allowed to do any of these things, because he is not my boyfriend and, worst of all, he’ll never be a boyfriend at all. This is the punishment I deserve for allowing Thomas Collins into my life.
He exhales exhaustedly, as if he has read my mind. With his face still in my hair, he murmurs, “What do I do with you…”
“What do you mean?” I murmur, my voice trembling.
“Nothing, Ness. Sleep now.” He presses his lips to the nape of myneck, placing a delicate kiss there, which makes me shiver and makes me angry at the same time. I want to kick him out. I should kick him out. Instead, I end up basking in his warmth, surrendering myself to a deep sleep.
Twenty
I wake up tucked between sheets infused with Thomas’s scent, but Thomas himself is gone. A wave of disappointment sweeps over me, especially when I notice the note left on the pillow next to mine.Got out before the bloodhound woke up. See you around.
I bite my lip nervously; did he really just blow me off with a note? I cannot believe it. I crumple up the paper, get out of bed, and toss it angrily in the trash can. Go to hell, Thomas.
After a nice hot shower, the smoky smell of bacon from the kitchen draws me downstairs, where I find my mother navigating the stove.
“Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well?” she asks, loading a plate with two slices of bacon and some scrambled eggs. “I’ve prepared you a breakfast rich in fats and carbohydrates to start the week off right.” She hands me the plate and invites me to sit down at the table to eat.
“Thank you,” I reply, softened by the gesture.
She smiles at me. She pours a cup of coffee and hands that to me as well. “Here, how long until your first class?”
“An hour, but with the bus ride, I have to leave in fifteen minutes,” I answer her, sipping the coffee.
“Victor is picking me up today, so I can leave you the car if you want.”
“Oh, thanks.” She takes the keys out of her purse and leaves themon the kitchen counter, next to the fruit basket. Right where Thomas had sat yesterday. Great, now this house is full of things and places that will always make me think of him. And it’s absurd to feel so torn up over someone I’ve barely known for such a short time.
“Good, now I have to run.” She turns to leave but stops in the doorway. “Ah, one last thing: the next time Travis sleeps over, tell him there’s no need for him to sneak out in the middle of the night. It’s not like he’s never stayed with us before.” She disappears upstairs with a sardonic smirk, leaving me speechless.
