Page 81 of Ruthless Commander
Darkness glinted in his eyes. But it wasn’t a savage glint. No…it was one filled with fear, as though somehow he knew exactly what I'd been thinking,or remembering.But that darkness in him didn’t frighten me.
“I’d never hurt you,” he whispered, brushing my hair back. “Not physically…and I’m going to try my fucking best not to hurt you emotionally, either. But I’m a monster, Xael. There’s nothing soft inside me, nothingkind.I’ve never needed to be.” He stared into my eyes. “Until now. For you I want to try. For you, I’ll do my damnedest.”
He didn’t realize…he was exactly the man I wanted.
The same man who'd stood in the shadows of his study and watched a reckless woman drink his expensive Scotch and dare him to make a move. He'd made a move alright. “I know you will,” I whispered. “And I’ll do my damnedest to keep you on your toes.”
He stilled, then slowly smiled. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I let him kiss me, slowly and carefully, then pulled away to grab the washcloth and gently run it over my body, a body he’d touched before. But this time it felt different. This time he touched me with care and compassion, searing his touch like a brand across my skin.
“I’ve never cared before,” he murmured, lowering his lips to my shoulder.
I closed my eyes with the sensation and leaned my head back into the warm water, letting it course against the throb at the base of my skull.
“I never wanted to,” he continued. “But I care about you, Xael…so much it fucking terrifies me.”
I kept my head back, letting him murmur his confession into my skin, until I slowly met his gaze. Thunder echoed inside me, the kind of thunder I’d never heard before, but one I knew instantly. This was it…hewas it.My home.
“I love you,” I whispered the words I hated, the words I'd sworn I’d never whisper again. The words that had almost broken me last time, and yet here I was…saying them all over again.
“You love me?” Mateo lifted his head to gaze into my eyes.
I was tired of lying, especially to myself. “I do. I fucking love you. But I swear to God, Mateo. You fucking ruin me like you did before, and I’ll kill you.”
“Not before I killed myself,” he whispered, grazing his fingers along my spine. “I thought I was protecting you. Thought…thought I was saving you from me.”
“Don’t you get it by now?” I met his gaze. “That’s the last thing I wanted saving from.”
He gripped my chin, tilted my head up, and kissed me.
I let him take care of me, let him steady me from the shower and help me dress. I let him do what he wanted, laying me down on the bed and curling his body around mine. When his phone rang, he switched it off, shutting out the world.
We lay like that, taking comfort in the feel of each other, and slowly that brutal throb in the back of my head subsided, letting me close my eyes. It was Mateo who lingered when darkness came. Mateo who held my gaze as he stabbed a man to death.
I slept, but woke when Mateo called my name, dragging me from the depths. The doctor came, checking my injuries and then his. But I was thankful for the thud of the front door closing, and when Mateo came back and slid under the sheets beside me, I knew in my heart that this was right.
* * *
When I next cracked open myeyes, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. For a second, I didn’t know what had happened, slowly licking my lips as the memories slipped in like an assassin. The attack, the boats exploding, Rhys… then Damien.
“Morning.”
I blinked, rolled, and instantly regretted it. Agony roared through my head as I turned to find Mateo sitting beside me, dressed in his usual suit. All of a sudden, the memories that’d been kept at bay rushed in. Him, his brother…and us.
“How long was I asleep?”
“A good fourteen hours. You needed it, but I’m glad you’re awake. I was sure you wanted to be up when they arrived.”
“They?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Your father will be here within the hour.”
“My father?” Panic tore through me.
“As well as a few other members of the Commission.”
The way he said it made me freeze. There was a hardness in his tone, and it scared me. I carefully pushed up from the bed, meeting his gaze. “You’re worried.”
