Page 83 of Texts From My Exes

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Harper

I’m calling the cops.

Ezra

Joke’s on you, I’m too hot for jail.

Harper

You cried last week because you got a paper cut from your rock collection binder.

Ezra

It was igneous. Sharp edges. Practically a weapon.

Harper

…I hate you.

Ezra

No you don’t. You love me. Also, I ordered us matching stegosaurus pajamas.

Harper

Divorce.

Ezra

Not legal until Grandma Blue signs the papers.

Harper

…Fine. Bring the pajamas.

Grandma Blue

Just landed in Florence. Wifi is trash. Espresso is perfect.

Ezra

Glad you made it safe, Grandma.

Grandma Blue

Don’t call me Grandma on text, makes me sound old. Call me Blue. Like Beyoncé.

Harper

…You’re literally my grandmother.

Grandma Blue

Semantics.

Ezra

Harper cried watching me confess live. She’s keeping me.

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