Page 203 of Paradox
"You lost your own respect by the way you're treating Jin. But betrayals mean ill intention, and I love your son more than anything in the world."
"You were with Shawn for five years."
"And this is bigger than that. I already know it is."
"You're manipulating him."
"We both know he's smarter than I am, so if anyone's being manipulated, it's me."
"You're too old for him, that's the real problem here."
"I know." My head whips towards Eden. "And he can leave whenever he wants."
"I don't wanna leave." I walk away from my mother and stand beside Eden. "I won't leave."
"Jin, please."
Without looking, I seek out Eden's hand then ask my mother; "Do you love me?"
"Of course I do."
"Then you need to be happy for me."
She grips the strap of her handbag again with both hands, but this time it's out of insecurity. "I don't know if I believe that you're happy. I don't know if you've actually thought this through, or… or if he can even take care of you."
"He takes care of me."
My mom gestures towards Eden. "See. He just admitted that he can't—"
"You're not listening, Mom. I'm not your little boy anymore."
"You'll always be my little boy."
"And you'll always be my mom… If you want to be."
"Of course I want to be. But this is a lot. This is bigger than you bringing home an older boyfriend. He's the closest thing to being a son that you can get without actually being someone's son."
Eden squeezes my hand. "I didn't plan it, Minjee. You can choose to believe it, or not, but I tried my hardest to keep away. I didn't invite him over. I didn't convince him to drop out. That was all him. He's so much bigger, and braver than either of us ever gave him credit for."
My mother looks down to the bare patch of concrete between us. "Did you ever touch—"
"Don't."
Her eyes shoot back up to Eden.
"Please think about whether or not you really wanna ask me that, Minjee… You said I was like your son, so I'd hope that means you know who I am… Now me and Jin didn't start this winter as friends, and I hurt him in ways I'm not proud of. But I've never cheated a day in my life. And I wouldneverlay a finger on someone who wasn't an adult."
My mother's back straightens. "You hurt him?"
I step in front of Eden. "Mom, we're past that. If anything it proves how much we couldn't stand each other. I ran away to his cabin because I was scared to face you and Dad, it had nothing to do with Eden. He wasn't supposed to be there. But people change, and grow, and… I'm almost twenty. You can't stop this relationship."
My mom's chin starts to quiver as she wrings the leather strap in her hands. "You'll forget about me like your brother did."
"He's home every holiday. And beyond that, you need to take responsibility for the part you and Dad played in pushing him away."
"We never pushed him."
"Your unrealistic expectations did. And what for? I can't see anything worth being disappointed about. He owns a business. He's really successful, Mom. He makes more than any engineer,andmost lawyers."
