Page 204 of Paradox
"I know." She hangs her head. "It's just…"
"It's just what? What's so bad about being covered in tattoos, or wanting to cook?"
I watch a tear run down both of her cheeks. "It means I don't know you."
"That's only because you never listened."
"I did. I know who your friends are—they were the first ones I called. We bought you skateboards and paid for soccer, but—"
"Our futures had to be yours."
"I only wanted what was best."
"Mom, I love you, but I'min lovewith Eden. You're not number one anymore."
I feel Eden's hand press against my back. Warmth radiates through me and I feel so strong. So seen, and heard. "I won't back down, Mom. I got my stubbornness from you. So please hear me when I tell you, if you want me in your life, then you need to accept that we're together. And that goes for Dad, too. I don't want to see you cry, and I never wanted to hurt you, but right now, we're going to walk away and you're not going to follow us. You'll find Dad, talk about this, and if you're willing to accept my terms, then you'll meet us at the cafe at ten o'clock."
I reach behind my back and lace my fingers between Eden's. "I hope to see you there, Minjee," he says, and leads me away.
I never thought it would be possible to feel light and heavy at the same time.
I'm so proud of myself for finally saying what I've wanted to for so long, but in doing so I've opened a door that my parents might slam shut in my face—locking me on the other side of it.
"I'm proud of you, Jin."
I nod because I know that if I speak I'll cry again.
"I'm never going to leave you."
I sniffle and hug his arm.
"The Pasty Arts course at the Seattle Culinary Academy is meant to be the best in the state."
Stopping in my tracks, I take in a deep breath, but as soon as I lock eyes with Eden the tears start anyway. "How did you know?"
He smiles down at me. "I had a hunch."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"Don't be stupid." He wipes away my tears. "Why are you crying about this?"
"I don't know," I laugh through the tears. "It's not because I feel sad."
"Then you can cry as many happy tears as you want."
March 1
"Are you ready?"
Still holding onto the handle, I look back inside the cabin one last time. It's so bright, and I can see the blue sky through the back and side windows, but it's also so bare and cold. Everything in the kitchen has been put away and the jar of sourdough starter is safe in the cab of Eden's truck. Our bed is stripped and so is the sofa and cushions, an old sheet has been thrown over it, the rug and mattress are leaning up against the wall, and the spot beside the stove where the Christmas tree, then my bookshelf, sat looks so sad and empty.
I swing my backpack around to my front and unzip it. It still holds all the same things it did when I first arrived, but now it has the English copy of Brave New World, too. Taking it out, I hold it up to my nose and flip through the pages. It always smelt different to the one my Halmae gave me. It's smoke, and pine, and this cabin.
"Eden, wait!" I whip my head around to him just as he closes the truck's canopy.
He leans against the tailgate. "What is it, little man?"
"It needs to stay here."
