Page 34 of This Blood That Binds Us
“Do you ever . . . miss . . . her?” Luke whispered, and I almost missed it.
My mom was the first person to come to mind.
“Fuck no,” Zach replied.
“Oh,” Luke said, deflated.
“You wanna know why? Because that’s what she wants. She wants to pin you and me against each other, and she wants us to fight over her because she’s a sick, twisted bitch with a twin fetish. So, no, I don’t miss her. She doesn’t care about us. Fuck her.”
It was definitely not my mom they were talking about. But who else could it be? They shared a lot of things as twins, but women weren’t one of them. Zach had been with a girl named Ashley for more than five years until she moved to San Francisco, and they decided to separate. I’d never seen him look at another woman since.
Zach spoke again. “I know it’s different for you...but Luke. It’s not real. The way we feel about her isn’t real because it’s been a lie the whole time. She fucked with our heads from the start. They all did. The sooner we forget them, the sooner we can all move on.”
They definitely weren’t talking about Ashley. Luke didn’t actually date in high school, but he did have a girl he was interested in: his best friend, Sarah. Luke and Sarah had been inseparable since kindergarten. They did everything together. When Luke joined the football team, Sarah joinedthe cheerleading squad to cheer him on. They even ended up as prom king and queen their senior year. But it couldn’t be Sarah...because Sarah went missing a year prior and was never found.
“I just wish this feeling would stop. Sometimes, I feel like it would just be easier if they found us.”
They weren’t talking about girls at all. Well, they were, but it had to be someone I didn’t know. Someone in The Family. Their gang.
At least that’s what my best friend in high school, Enrique, called it. But even he was vague about what he knew.
Back in Brooklyn, our family had to be strategic. It was easy to get pushed around, so my older brothers grew up hard. Learned to fight. Covered our ass and kept us from getting in trouble or bullied. That’s all I thought it was at first. That was—until I ran right into Damian in the hallway right before a sophomore year pep rally. Damian was someone everyone knew not to mess with because his family was big in the crime world. I heard a lot of stories, none that I was interested in figuring out if they were true.
I ran into Damian by accident, one that was entirely my fault. I was carrying Presley’s mascot head, “Axe the Alligator,” and I didn’t see Damian rounding the corner in the hallway. Presley was always forgetting it at home, and I’d have to run to get it for him.
“Oh shit, sorry about that man.” I stumbled backward. I wasn’t afraid of him beating me up because I knew my brothers would never let that happen. But I was afraid of what might happen to them if they did.
“No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ran into you. Please don’t say anything. Let’s just forget about it,” Damian said.
I stammered in agreement and watched him scurry off behind me. I’ll never forget his wide-eyed stare, like he’d seen a ghost.
After running to give Presley his alligator head with two minutes to spare, I found my place in the gym stands next to Enrique. I told him everything that had just happened, casually yelling over the sound of the drumline.
Enrique’s eyes grew wide. “You don’t know?”
“Know what?”
After a little back-and-forth, he finally spit it out. “Well, don’t tell your brothers I was the one to tell you, but Luke was gunned down two weeks ago. He was shot in the shoulder. Had to be admitted to the hospital and everything.”
I let out a laugh. “You’re kidding.” I looked across the gym to where the seniors sat, and there, sat Zach and Luke, casually leaning against the bleachers. They had their usual smiles and were talking as the cheerleaders performed. It wasn’t uncommon for them to be out at night or for me not to see them for a couple of days. I thought back on the last few weeks and noticed how they had been gone longer than usual. My mom worked long hours as a nurse, so it was easy for them to come and go unnoticed. Plus, they were so close to graduating, she gave them more freedom. I guessed it could be possible, but could something like that happen, and they wouldn’t tell me? They didn’t seem like everyone else I knew in gangs at my school. They never dressed differently, and they didn’t run around with other groups of people. It was just the two of them all the time.
“Dude, I wouldn’t lie to you about that. It happened, and the talk is...whoever your brothers are hanging with are no joke. Their retaliation was brutal. It’s got Damian’s family scared. It’s got everyone here scared.”
“What retaliation?”
Enrique put his hands up defensively. “Nope. I’m not saying it. I shouldn’t have told you. Your brothers have obviously triedto keep it a secret. Don’t bring me up. I don’t want them knowing my name.”
“They already know your name, dumbass.” I waited for him to say more, but he turned to watch the pep rally. And that was the first time I’d ever seen Enrique keep a secret from me. It was also the first time I ever suspected my brothers were a part of something sinister.
“I am literally the worst person in the world for saying that.” I could hear Luke’s heavy sigh, and I leaned into the wall, drawing my attention back to the present.
“If you’re the worst person in the world, there is truly no hope for me.” Zach kept his tone light.
“Shut up.”
“It’s true! Plus, you’re thinking too much about it. You can’t trust your feelings, remember?”
Luke stayed silent, and a sharp clink of glass hit the concrete.
