Page 40 of Perfectly Imperfect Us
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Breakups were hard at any time, but even harder when you lived next to the guy who broke your heart. I had to park down the block in my loud truck and sneak into my own house just to ensure Ryder didn’t see me and try to attack with his useless apologies. He’d called or texted ten more times between this morning and when I got out of the shower. I finally turned my phone off and got focused on me.
I’d had fun putting on eye makeup and then leaving the rest of my face bare. I looked exotic, older. A new, more confident me. Instead of trying to make myself look airbrushed like the models in magazines, I went for uniquely beautiful, playing up my own features while leaving the essence of me exposed. It would take some getting used to, but I felt emboldened in a way I never had before. Instead of hiding, I was ready to step into myself for the first time.
My first moment of panic came when I parked at Two Nickels and had to step out of the truck and into the public eye. I felt naked, indecent even. I sucked in a deep breath and reminded myself that being brave required facing my fears. Kyly Stone didn’t get to write my narrative. I did.
I swung open the truck door and climbed out, tossing my hair away from my face and rolling my shoulders back. There was no red carpet here in Nickel Bay, but you could have fooled me. I walked into the diner like I owned the world, because I did. My world. I was choosing to live it on my terms.
Skylar and Lacey waved from the table where they were already seated. I walked over and focused on breathing.
“You look amazing,” Lacey gushed. “Seriously, I’m digging the natural face with the eye makeup.”
“Our own little trend setter.” Skylar smiled proudly.
We enjoyed our lunch, though I was aware of a few stares. In all seriousness, I was a little shocked with how little of a reaction there was to this monumental unveiling. I’d built it up in my head, believing my vitiligo made me a sideshow monster, when in reality, no one really cared or let it change how they perceived me. Everyone was too busy inside their own heads to worry about mine.
As we left the diner, I had a brief second of piercing pain when I saw the table Ryder and Kyly had been seated at yesterday, Ryder just staring at me like he didn’t know me. I reminded myself I was better off without a man who would treat me like dirt and that was enough to keep my head held high when I walked out the door. Didn’t kill the pain, but I hoped the retail therapy we had planned would.
“Mommy, what’s wrong with her face?”
The little voice pierced through our conversation as we strolled down the sidewalk to our first shop. I looked over to see a little boy around six years old pointing at me. His mom pushed his arm down and glanced at me in apology.
“We don’t point, son.”
“But what—”
“Come on, let’s get going.” The poor mom tried to distract the kid by tugging on his hand, but he wasn’t having it.
In a burst of bravery, I stepped closer, squatting down so I could talk to him. He didn’t look at me in disgust, just genuine interest. Maybe if we all just showed interest in each other instead of judgement, freely sharing our stories, we’d all get along better.
“Hi, I’m Ava.”
“I’m Parker,” he said shyly.
“Hi, Parker. I know my face is different, but it’s because I have something called vitiligo. It’s not contagious or anything. I was just born with it. It gives my face interesting white shapes, like the clouds in the sky.”
Parker nodded slowly, trying to understand. “Does it hurt?” His little eyes got round and my heart squeezed in my chest.
“No, it doesn’t hurt at all.”
Parker smiled, one of his baby teeth on the bottom looking like it was ready to fall out any day. “Oh, good. Well, I like it. Maybe I can have ’ligo too!”
I smiled back, chest just about bursting with the beauty of this moment with this child. “I bet you’re special in your own way too.”
His eyes lit up. “Yeah, look how fast I can run!” He took off sprinting down the sidewalk, his arms and legs pumping with all his might. His mom came over, keeping an eye on him, but putting her hand on my arm.
“Thank you for that. I hope he didn’t offend you.”
“Not at all. You have an amazing son.” I gave her a hug, not able to help myself.
While she was worried about offending me, I’d had a breakthrough moment. One I’d never forget. I’d been pointed at and confronted about my skin and we’d both handled it smoothly. Maybe the world wasn’t such a scary place after all.
We eventually moved on after watching my new friend Parker light up the sidewalk with his lightning-fast feet. My friends gave me encouraging smiles and a tiny flare of hope lit in my chest. Ryder had hurt me, but maybe I’d needed that shove off the cliff to take my life back. I wouldn’t be thanking him for it anytime soon, but just knowing I could stand on my own two feet made me hopeful for surviving this heartache.
* * *
I stepped out of the fire-engine red stilettos I’d bought today, changing into my pajamas and getting ready for bed. Nothing made a woman feel more powerful than new butt-kicker shoes. The music I played through my little speaker on the bedside table turned to a sad breakup song and my heart dipped back into the ache I’d been running from all day. I plopped down on the bed and crossed my arms over my chest. Funny how emotional pain could manifest into physical pain when it was intense enough.
