Page 21 of Needing Your Love
Uncontrollable shaking took over my body, and I curled in on myself to find some sort of stronghold to lean on—the only person I could trust to hold me tight. But I couldn’t voice bullshit words to edify myself. Couldn’t grasp onto any hope of rising above the trauma I hadn’t escaped. The demons from my past still dug their claws into my psyche, owning my focus.
“Jimmy?”
Tears welled in my eyes at the kind voice echoing alongside Dad’s in my mind. The room in front of me wavered as wetness gathered enough droplets spilled from my lashes and over my cheeks.
Weak.
Pussy.
Faggot.
I choked on a sob, clinging to myself tighter.
“Jimmy?”
He’d always been the light in my darkness, the hero I’d mentally clung to whenever Dad stripped me down to nothing more than an instinctive creature who froze at the first hint of anger or trouble.
Even now, I couldn’t move. My legs refused to lead me outside to safety where every stuttered inhale didn’t coat my lungs with stale cigarettes and decay.
“Jimmy.”
My eyelids slammed shut at the relieved tone behind me.
Sutton had shown up when I needed him most.
Of course he had—and there would be no hiding the crumbling facade I cowered behind this time.
Chapter 9
Sutton
Saturday morning, I checked in with the Coles at The Moose’s Muse to see what type of car Jimmy drove. I definitely kept an eye on my office window overlooking Main Street, taking note every time a cherry red vehicle drove past.
The BMW he owned snagged my attention not long after my breakfast from Scone Haven, and I craned my head, watching the blond beauty hang a left down Pippen Street.
I grabbed my keys and left the station without incident, climbing into my cruiser mere minutes behind the boy. Either he headed for Mary’s or he planned to check in on the residence he’d been paying taxes on from afar the previous three years.
A ride by Mary’s and empty driveway sent me farther southwest of town. Expecting Jimmy had no interest in visiting the graveyard where Mary had buried the elder Riley’s ashes, I headed toward the house that would doubtless bring back a mess of emotions and memories I didn’t want Jimmy facing alone.
In my years as the chief of police, I’d found being nurturing, compassionate, and supportive wasn’t enough to change a man’s path. If a person didn’t want to straighten out their life, they wouldn’t.
Had Jimmy had gone to therapy in his absence in the hopes of finding healing? Had he come to terms with the childhood trauma inflicted on him by the one man who should have protected him at all costs? Without answers, I couldn’t help but feel responsible for his well-being no matter where he’d driven to.
His car sat in front of the ranch where I’d expected, but Jimmy didn’t slouch in the driver seat or on the front steps.
I hopped from the cruiser and strode up the uneven cobbled walkway, my footfalls deliberately heavy on the treads leading to the tilting stoop so he would know I approached. A waft of stale air from the opened door passed my nose, and I grimaced as memories assaulted me of the day I’d figured Jimmy’s dad might have drowned his liver. No such luck that afternoon, and by the time his bodyhadfinally given out after years of alcohol abuse, Jimmy had been long gone.
“Jimmy?” I called out while stepping over the threshold into a mess of filth and trash.
The boy didn’t answer, nor did I hear anything but deathly stillness, the house more a tomb than shelter from the elements.
I stepped farther into the dim interior, the stench of the air unsurprising considering how long the house had been shut up. “Jimmy?” I called again but not so loud as to startle him.
A choked sob sounded back the hallway, and I hurried forward, rounding the bend to find Jimmy hugging himself in his bedroom doorway. In profile, his face appeared blanched, tears streaming over his cheeks. Red marks lined his left arm as though he’d been scratching.
While I’d wanted to see him broken down so I could help rebuild him, this went far beyond what I had hoped for. Never would I wish to see a man curled in on himself, a mere shell of the usual sass and energy he’d displayed the night before. I closed the distance between us, desiring to reach out to him andoffer comfort, but I kept from doing so since he still didn’t seem aware I was there.
Heaviness settled over my shoulders as I stopped shy of his personal space, and my throat went thick at the display of hurt and insecurity overwhelming his entire body.
