Page 22 of Needing Your Love
“Jimmy,” I whispered, and his eyes closed, letting me know he realized he wasn’t alone. “Are you doing okay?” It was obvious as fuck he wasn’t, but I needed to check in with him, hear from his own lips what he was dealing with.
“I want to burn it all to the ground,” he choked out, his voice ragged as though his insides shredded to unrecognizable pieces. “Every reminder.” His voice broke, and he swallowed hard. “Every nightmare.” A shudder ripped through him, and he whimpered, hugging himself tighter with arms streaked red from his fingernails.
Unable to help the draw, I gently cupped his elbow, tugging the slightest bit. “Come here,” I murmured, shifting him toward me.
Like an innocent lamb, he allowed me to steer him toward my chest as I’d always longed to do.
He pressed against me with a shuddered sigh, his arms encircling my waist to cling to my uniform as I held him. He shivered and shook in silence when I’d expected harsh sobs.
I closed my eyes, his head tucked beneath my chin, soaking in the warmth of his slight form. While I finally had the chance to give him the comfort he needed, I hated that our first embrace was due to unimaginable pain he must been reliving from having stepped into this damned house.
Long moments passed as my heart thumped heavy against the side of his face, but at least my groin lay relaxed rather than roused at finally having a body—himspecifically—plastered against my front like a second uniform. He fit like he’d been tailor-made for me.
Jimmy’s breathing regulated, and I readied myself for the second he would pull away, leaving me missing the feel of him.
All too soon, he released his hold on my shirt as I’d feared and stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He hadn’t even wiped the damp tracks from his cheeks.
He studied the floor. “I’m going to sell this shithole,” he said, his tone wrecked as though he’d been sobbing for an hour or longer.
“Glad to hear it.” I fisted my hands at my sides to keep from brushing unruly waves of hair off his forehead and tipping his face up with a light touch to his chin so I could drown in his vulnerable baby blues. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”
“Thanks.” Jimmy exhaled heavily and straightened his shoulders as though throwing off a weighted cloak that had attempted to tug him toward the earth. He tilted his head back and met my gaze straight on, his still-wet eyes as riveting, yet shadowed, blocking me from reading his feelings. A saucy smirk tilted his lips, and my heart fell as his old facade settled into place like he’d flipped a switch.
“So.” He hummed, taking a good, long look at how I filled out my uniform. “Following me around town, are you, Chief?”
A muscle ticked in my jaw as I studied the face shuttered from my perusal. This wasn’t the real Jimmy from moments before, the vulnerable man who’d needed me as much as I wanted him. A shiver slid over my spine at the realization this boy already held power over my heart, and it wouldn’t take much manipulation on his part to play me for the fool I’d always been when it had come to him.
“I’ll admit,” he stepped closer, his voice lowering, same as the night before whenever he got all up in my space. His fingertips trailed over the buttons atop my chest, and I held my breath, chin lifted, peering down my nose at him as he attemptedto disarm my staunch determination to remain unaffected. “Coming here wasn’t easy,” he continued, tugging on the button right above my belt, gaze fixed farther south, “but I can think of a few ways to get both of our minds off the bad times we shared on this property.”
I caught his wrist in a tight grip and gave myself a bit of space with a small backward step that hurt more than helped.
Jimmy lifted his focus, eyes blank of pain when his voice had been coated with it for one brief moment of vulnerability I wished would last long enough for me to connect with him for real.
Nothing sexual or even sensual, simply a freedom to simplybein our feelings.
“Don’t be this way, Jimmy. Please.” I searched his face, hoping the boy would listen to me.
Wetness slid over his gorgeous irises, and I inhaled deeply, drinking in as the veil he hid behind slid from place. His shoulders wilted, and I released his wrist, allowing him to wrap his own arms around himself since I needed to see his face for this brief moment of honesty he would gift me.
“He beat the shit out me the night I left Pippen Creek,” Jimmy said, his voice as small as it’d been when he’d been ten and I had first suspected abuse. It was his only admission to what I’d always wondered, what DHHS had decided never occurred. “His knuckles tore through my scalp, and I bled while curled up and defenselessly took his kicks.” He nodded toward a stain in the wood flooring, and my insides clenched, hands once more fisting at my sides. I remembered no such injury marring his head or discoloring his hair that night. “He eventually stopped and left me lying there. Once he passed out, I showered, packed up a few personal belongings, and planned to head out of town—if you didn’t want me.”
I could recall with vivid clarity the memory of big eyes begging me to save him in the only way he thought I could.
By claiming him. Making him mine.
Back then, I hadn’t considered the possibility.
But now? I wanted to do both—and feared the repercussions.
A sad, crooked smile lifted Jimmy’s lips, and he glanced at me before quickly looking away once more as though ashamed of what he’d done before heading south toward Massachusetts.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, not sure if it was for turning him down, for all the shit he’d endured, or a mix of both. But back then, I hadn’t seen Jimmy as anything more than a hurting boy, thank fuck, or claiming the kid would have landed me in hot water no matter the fact he’d turned eighteen at the stroke of midnight.
“Do you regret denying my offer even a little bit?” He attempted to flirt but failed miserably, and I hated the pain that lined his face.
How the fuck could I answer that without laying myself bare? Opening that can of worms would leave me wasted and broken beyond how Darla had ruined me.
I fought for words that would soothe Jimmy and not open me up to a boatload of hurt but came up empty.
