Page 78 of Returning Your Love
Tension was a thick blanket over us, the kind of silence that stifled and made breathing difficult.
“Chaz—”
“Don’t,” I mumbled, stopping him from apologizing.
His heavy exhale let me know I’d been right in assuming he’d been about to do that very thing.
“Fine. Onward it is,” he muttered. He inhaled deeply and held it a second before opening his mouth again. “I’m moving to Berlin.”
Jamie’s statement hit me like that goddamned F-350 again, ripping the oxygen from my lungs and sending me into a spiral-like panic. Same as when my best friend had informed me he was headed to Boston College, I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe.
I clutched at my coffee cup. This time, there was no Shelly for me to cling to in hopes of filling the void his absence would leave behind.
Chapter 27
Jamie
I’d seen Chaz’s truck parked outside Scone Haven and hadn’t been able to squash hope rising inside me. If he was learning to live again outside his home and shop, he might be willing to forgive me and get us back on track for where we’d always been headed.
Considering our connection and unbelievable chemistry, Chaz and I could have something beautiful. Long-lasting. We’d shared explosive passion, and I struggled to believe my honesty had ruined my chance of him returning my love.
I didn’t doubt he’d blamed me for his wife’s death in those days since I’d seen him last. How could he not? Putting myself in his shoes reiterated the mistake I’d made in sharing my secret with him. I would hate him too if he’d wished the woman I loved enough to marry would disappear off the face of the planet.
The weeks of silence between us had passed in a haze of hurt and remorse, and I’d clung to memories from our one night together that would eventually fade from my mind like the ache in my ass days after he’d given me what I’d begged for. Nothing had held meaning since then. Seeing my team’s players around town, Josh and Kyle, holding hands and looking like they were on top of the world, hadn’t offered a single spark of happiness.Neither had homecoming, where I’d heard they’d gone together and danced the night away.
That Hallmark movie moment belonged to those two boys, not me.
Working out and taking care of my body no longer lay at the front of my mind. I’d begun to slack off, the entire week after Thanksgiving a tumble down the eating-shit cliff thanks to Dad’s cooking and Dexter bringing the best cranberry cheesecake I’d ever had in my mouth.
Twice since Chaz had ordered me from his house, I rode along with Dad around town in the cruiser while he attempted to cheer me up, but I couldn’t be dragged from the pit I’d tumbled into.
Dad had suggested that perhaps it was time to move on, that distance and the passing of days and eventual months might allow for some healing. I’d admitted to the shitty wish I’d had and how spilling it had ruined my friendship with Chaz along with the possibility of him ever allowing me to love him in the way I yearned to do.
So when the job offer from one of Dad’s contacts down in Berlin’s town hall had come through via email, I’d considered taking it even though I’d filled out the application while pissed off and wanting to disappear from Pippen Creek forever. Getting my own place down there rather than commuting had sounded like a damned good idea at the time. Maybe some sort of satisfaction in working 9-5, putting that engineering degree I’d earned to use, could be found.
But I needed closure first even if it seemed that Chaz wasn’t willing to give it to me one way or the other.
The silence between us grew heavier with every passing moment.
“Chaz?” I prompted him for some sort of response to my declaration.
Still, it was another full minute before he spoke, his tone barely audible. “Why?”
“Why move?”
He nodded, refusing to take his eyes off his coffee cup.
“Got a job offer from their town’s building department, so why not? There’s nothing keeping me here.” I studied his down-turned face and how he swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping slowly. That hope that had brought me through Scone Haven’s door rekindled to life inside me. “Is there any reason Ishouldstay?”
“This is home—your Dad is here—those kids on the team adore you.”
He didn’t lie, but I dreamed of more.
“You’ve encouraged and changed a lot of lives,” he continued. “You’re loved, Jamie.”
“Am I?” I pushed, wanting to hear his truth more than any of the others he’d pointed out.
“Of course you are!” he stated sharply, finally gifting me the vision of his beautiful, pain-filled hazel eyes I found myself drowning in.
