Page 77 of Returning Your Love
He nodded, proving my assumption of what he’d figured out. “Coach said watching you marry someone else hurt worse than his knee injury.”
That news hit me like a punch to the gut, ripping the air from my lungs. Jamie’s truth tore through me, leaving a gaping hole behind.
The day his knee ligaments had torn to shreds had ended his lifelong dreams, and he’d told Josh losing me had caused him evenmorepain?
Fucking hell, why did agony stab at my heart and tighten my throat?
“It’s a good thing you found the courage to tell Kyle how you felt,” I said, my voice nothing but gravel and regret.
“Didn’t want to live with the what-ifs.” Josh shrugged. “Best decision of my life because it turned out in my favor. Maybe it’ll work for you two this time. Won’t know if you don’t try, Mr. Henderson.” He walked off to finish the job he’d been taking care of before his boyfriend had shown up.
What-ifs.
There were a shit ton of those in my head I’d been attempting to move on from at the insistence from my therapist. Couldn’t change the past, only stride forward. My goal was to live with less of those pesky questions in the future, but I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that.
One foot in front of the other, I’d been telling myself lately.
I’d begun to get my own groceries again instead of having The Market deliver. I’d even swung by Pedro’s Pizza to pick up dinner one night last week rather than having it dropped at the shop like I sometimes did.
Sunday morning, I woke feeling restless, my mind busy as usual but with Josh’s words added to the mess. I needed a break from cars and their parts too.
Kel’s face lit up when I walked through the door of Scone Haven, the scent of freshly baked deliciousness and coffee thick in the air, making my mouth water. “Good to see you, Chaz.”
I dipped my head in greeting while approaching the counter.
He leaned on it, blue eyes kind without a hint of pity, his white apron a little stained from his earlier baking in the kitchen out back.
“Thanks again for the fundraiser,” I said even though I’d managed a phone call not long after Shelly’s death to offer the same.
“It’s the least I could do.” Kel’s gaze flitted over my face. “How are you?”
He wasn’t a nosy gossiper, so I didn’t mind the question from my wife’s old boss. “Keeping busy. You?”
Kel shrugged. “Might have finally found a replacement for Shelly. Younger kid, new to town who used to work as a barista in North Conway. He starts tomorrow, so we’ll see. Want your usual?”
“Please. Thanks.”
He poured my black coffee into the biggest cup he had and handed it over along with one of the cranberry orange scones I could easily eat a dozen of.
The door pushed inward behind me, letting in a blast of cold air.
I could sense the person behind me before Kel glanced over my shoulder and greeted Jamie by name.
My pulse kicked up, and the fight-or-flight part of my brain went haywire.
Instead of taking off—I’d gotten out of the house for a reason, goddamnit—I dropped a ten on the counter and moved to the far corner where a table sat empty. A few patrons greeted me as I passed them by, but no one asked questions or attempted to pull me into conversation, thank fuck. It was enough I’d chosen to come out and be among the living.
Unless they stopped by my shop for a job, small talk with old acquaintances was another step for a different day.
I sat with my back to the counter, closed my eyes, and sipped my coffee, enjoying the heat sliding clear down to my empty stomach. Ignoring the buzz over my skin from being in the same room as Jamie wasn’t an option, but I would bear it until he left.
But of course, he approached, the hairs on my arms standing on end when he appeared in my periphery.
“This seat taken?”
Shaking my head, I gave my cup all of my attention as Jamie settled into the chair across the small table from me.
I had some shit to work through and wasn’t ready to forgive, but I refused to be an asshole or cause a scene by telling him to leave me alone when the deepest parts of me didn’t want him to. At least anger didn’t still burn bright in my chest like it had that night. Would have been nice though not to feel that sense of loss and emptiness that had taken over me ever since Josh shared with me what Jamie had told him.
