Page 55 of Returning Your Love
I would stand on my own two feet through this. Retain privacy for the embarrassing feelings and thoughts in my mind. Allowing Jamie in right now, accepting his help and comfort as Babs had told me to, would only worsen my sense of humiliation, not make me more confident like I wanted to be. I couldn’t begin to imagine my father’s horror if he learned the truth of both affairs, or how he would react to my moving on too quickly.
One step and supportive town’s member at a time.
I hastily wiped the wetness from my cheek, cleared my throat, and readied for the next in line.
It was him—the man from the ER.
My dead wife’s lover and the father of her longed-for child who never had a chance to draw its first breath.
Rage should have consumed me as he paused beside Shelly’s casket, hands clasped in a white-knuckled grip before him. Pale and haggard, he looked like he’d slept about as good as I did in his black suit and tie that had cost a shit ton more than what Mom had bought off the rack for me. His body twitched nonstop either from absolute exhaustion or from fear for showing up in Pippen Creek where, if anyone knew his truth, he would be crucified for betraying one of their own.
As if I hadn’t done the very same thing.
Still, the absolute balls on the man made me feel…less than. I could respect the hell out of a guy who would face down an entire town to offer a final word to the woman he’d adored. He was the type who would move mountains for his lover if he’d been able to.
My attempts to please Shelly paled in comparison.
Humiliation kept me still and quiet when most husbands would have smashed their fist into flesh and bone. Besides, Irefused to cause an outburst that would disrupt the crowd as thoroughly as Shelly’s mom had done. Wouldn’t give my father the satisfaction of seeing me fall apart like he probably expected my weak ass to do.
I allowed my wife’s lover his last moments with the woman he’d wanted as desperately as I had always longed for Jamie.
If my best friend’s body had been inside that casket?—
Fuck.
Pain ripped through my chest, catching my breath.
Couldn’t even go there or I would lose my shit worse than Shelly’s lover did while saying his goodbyes with tears streaming down his face.
Swallowing conclusively, he finally turned away, his gaze downcast as he skipped out on the receiving line made up of only me. A sense of urgency overtook me?—
“Excuse me,” I murmured to whoever waited to offer their condolences next, my focus on the man’s retreating form as I hurried after him.
He exited to the right, and ignoring the long line and curious eyes to the left, I did the same, hot on his heels. Compulsion to take a step toward healing moved my feet faster than they had all week.
“Wait!” I called out the second the funeral home’s door shut out prying eyes.
A pause, and the man strode faster across the filled lot in an attempt to leave me behind.
“Please!” I cried out while running after him, not above begging for just a moment of his time. I felt I deserved that much, at least.
His hand shook as he hit a key on his fob, the lights on a Mercedes feet away from him blinking along with a beep. He grabbed the door handle but glanced over his shoulder at me.
Dark eyes filled with anguish met mine, his features and body tensed for confrontation.
I held up my hands to show I meant no harm, slowing to close the distance between us in an unaggressive walk.
He stayed put, his gaze wary, shoulders hitched near his ears.
“You’re—were—my wife’s lover,” I stated quietly without a hint of anger in my voice. Easily done since her infidelity hadn’t hurt.
He didn’t speak, simply waited for me, probably expecting that fist another man would have used to break his nose.
I wanted closure but not for me. I wasn’t the one who’d been devastated by Shelly’s death in the way a normal, loving husband would have been.
“You made her happy. Gave her everything I couldn’t.” My rasped admission of failure didn’t hurt as I peered into his wet eyes. Instead, a sense of gratitude eased through my chest at knowing Shelly had found what she’d always wanted. It wasn’t fair she didn’t get the chance to enjoy that life, and for that, I would always mourn.
Still, the man didn’t speak.
