Page 54 of Returning Your Love
Our gazes caught, and I waited, my stomach tight and pulse heightened.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she murmured kindly even though she probably hated me out of loyalty to her best friend. Who the hell knew what kinds of stories she’d heard about our miserable home life.
I nodded my thanks while noting her red-rimmed eyes.
“We’ve never met, but I’m Tara,” she said, extending her hand. “Shelly’s friend from Berlin.”
Accepting her greeting, I nodded but had no fucking clue what to say. Ask forgiveness for being a shitty husband to her bestie? Offer my own condolences over the loss of someone she had loved probably better than I’d been able to?
Her smile wobbled when I didn’t speak, and our palms fell away from each other’s. “Here.” She pulled a card from her bag and held it out to me. “If you ever wanted to meet up for coffee sometime…”
“Thanks,” I managed to say, accepting the card and tucking it into my pocket.
A small smile, and she moved off.
I caught Jamie eyeing her as walked away, his brow furrowed and eyes thoughtful.
“Chaz.”
I turned to the next person in line and actually smiled. “Hey, Babs.”
She threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight, offering me one of the few hugs I didn’t mind being forced to accept. “Not sure how I feel about all of this to be honest.”
Huh. Definitely not what I’d expected her to say.
“Don’t let this loss stop you from living, boy,” she continued beside my ear, keeping her voice quiet. “You’ve got so many years ahead of you that can be filled with joy. Deal with whatever it is you need to, then move forward. The sooner the better for everyone involved.”
I didn’t take offense at what some might call insensitivity. That was Babs’s way, how she always offered advice, her intentions coming from an accepting, loving heart.
“Thanks, Babs,” I said as she released me.
She glanced over at Jamie, who watched us from where he still sat like a sentinel, hands clasped lightly on his lap. His intense focus sent a shiver over my skin, and I tore my gaze off him to meet Babs’s understanding and too-knowing eyes.
“You have a good friend in that young man. Best you let him help you through these times. No need to face grief on your own, and no one will judge you for finding comfort in a man who would move heaven and hell to see you smiling again. It’s been long enough as it is.”
I nodded, my throat tight.
She moved off and was replaced with another person from the seemingly endless line.
Babs’s words echoed long after she walked away. The town gossip was intuitive as fuck after spending thirty or so yearsbehind the police station’s receptionist desk and wasn’t easily surprised.
And her advice? Golden to anyone else standing in my shoes and looking for an excuse to stride forward without a backward glance.
But too much shame had its hooks in me, keeping me from even glancing at the man she’d given me her blessing to fall into. I could feel his eyes on me though. The want between us hadn’t faded in the midst of what should have been grief far beyond what anyone should ever experience.
The finality of Shelly’s death had settled over me upon seeing her bruised and broken face. I’d accepted her absence from my future. And I hated myself for the relief that mingled with sadness over the passing of someone who’d once been a good friend to me.
Another half hour slid by, the warmth of the room dictating I rip off the restrictive suit coat, but I gritted my teeth and dealt with the misery of being in a place I wished to flee from.
Still, they came.
Business owners, local officials, including the chief who clasped my back when hugging me. His comfort, the fatherly affection I’d enjoyed as a kid, was the first to threaten tears to my eyes all night.
“If you need anything…” Sutton didn’t have to say more, the promise of his support already assured from years acting as a stand-in father when mine couldn’t be bothered to take an interest in his only son.
“Thanks, Chief,” I managed to reply past the lump in my throat.
My gaze caught Jamie’s as his dad moved on, the empathy and love in his eyes causing a whine to build in my chest I struggled to contain. Now was not the time for the dam to break,for me to reveal to the world who my heart beat for while my wife’s no longer did.
