Page 39 of Dangerous December
“I suppose it’s hard seeing your friends...well, like Janet. So you need to find the right guy and you can have kids, too.” He floundered, the words tasting sour on his tongue.
The thought of any other man even asking her out hit him like a punch to the solar plexus.
“Right. It’s all easy as can be.” She bit out each word.
He shifted uneasily in his seat, knowing he’d just ended up in a dense minefield without a clue about how he’d gotten there, much less how to escape.
He sighed heavily. “Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
Another realization struck with the force of a Mack truck.
“You said the thought of putting anyone else through this upset you. What did you mean by that?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
He reached for her hands again, but she jerked them away and folded her arms over her stomach. “Tell me.”
She glanced around the empty waiting room and lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “Why do you think you have a right to know anything at all? Where were you, all of our married life? And when did you ever care?”
He flinched. “I was military.”
“There are strong, loving military families, Dev. You used it as an excuse to distance yourself from me. When you demanded a divorce, it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. You’d walked out of my life emotionally a long time before.”
A rush of memories crashed through his thoughts. Blood and screams and fellow soldiers dying in his arms. The smell of death, of bodies lying mangled under heaps of concrete.
“What I did, what I had to deal with when I was away, was nothing I could share with you, Beth. Locking that part of my life away took all the energy I had.”
“But—”
“I was no longer the guy you married...nothing like him at all. I’m still not—if you can even begin to understand what I’m trying to say.”
“I understand that you never gave me a chance. You never shared anything at all. Not even your heart.” Her voice broke as she lifted her chin in defiance. “Then you came home over two years ago, at Christmas.”
“I remember.”
“We had a great reunion that lasted all of a day before you walled yourself away all over again. Our planned two weeks together ended when you said you wanted a divorce, packed up, and left.”
He sighed heavily. “I did you a favor, Beth. You’ve always deserved so much better.”
She pushed out of her chair and walked the length of the room, then came back to stand in front of him, her arms still folded over her midsection.
“Did your mother tell you? Knowing her, she probably found out somehow and didn’t waste any time.”
“My...mother?” He’d been tracking Beth’s anger clearly, but now he stared at her. “What does she have to do with anything?”
Beth glared at him. “You unintentionally left me with the most wonderful Christmas present ever that year. I was pregnant, Dev. Joyously, incredulously pregnant. Nearly delirious with happiness, because I’d thought it would never happen.”
He stared at her in awe, and despite all the misgivings he’d ever had about having children, he now felt something warm and wonderful curl around his heart. Then it sank. “Youwere?”
“I was going to let you know, even though I figured you wanted no part of it.” Her eyes filled with tears and sorrow. “But then I started spotting. A lot. The doctor was sure I would miscarry. I somehow made it to six months, though, almost seven.”
He felt as if his heart was tearing into pieces. “I’m so sorry, Beth.”
Her gaze fixed on some faraway point. “I was home one night. Alone, as always. The blood—” Her eyes squeezed tight. “Even after the ambulance arrived, it wouldn’t stop.”
He wanted to take Beth into his arms and console her. To reassure her that there would be other babies in her life someday. But when he moved closer, she stepped back abruptly.
“There’ll be another time in your life. Surely—”
