Page 20 of Pieces of Ash
“Yes. ‘My mother’s husband.’ That’s what you said. You were very clear a moment ago.” His light blue eyes bore into mine. “Yoursister’swidower is your brother-in-law. Yourmother’swidower would be your stepfather. We cannot move forward in our conversation without transparency. So please tell me the truth. Which is it?”
I stare at him with wide eyes, my jaw slack, my mouth dry. I can’t lie to him. I can’t.
Father Joseph takes a deep breath and sighs, nodding his head, his eyes shifting from suspicion to sympathy before my eyes.
“Miss Ellis,” he says, gesturing to a pew. “Sit down.”
On legs of jelly, I make my way to the pew and lower my body. For most of my life I have been forbidden to speak of Tig as my mother. My grandmother’s name is on my birth certificate. Gus knows the truth only because Tig told him one night a long, long time ago when she was higher than a kite. But no one else on earth knows.
Except now…someone does. And as he takes a seat in the pew in front of mine and turns around, propping his elbow on the back of the pew between us, I can see understanding in his eyes.
“We are formal in the confessional,” he says gently, “but I know it’s you when we speak on Wednesday mornings, Miss Ellis. You are the only student who comes to confession on Wednesdays, and,Iconfess, I greatly look forward to our conversations, to watching you grow and mature into a fine young woman.” He pauses, pursing his lips for a moment beforecontinuing. “But you are also one lamb in a larger flock. Mybelovedflock. I know all of my students, and I pray for all of you regularly.” His eyes search mine. “I know, for instance, that your older sister recently passed from this life, Miss Ellis. I know that she, and her husband, were financially responsible for your tuition. Your parents, as I understand it, are Welsh, and chose to be little involved in the lives of their daughters.”
He knows the script of my life cold.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that the information I have stated—that was written on your admission forms—is true.”
I can’t. I look away.
He sighs heavily. “Miss Ellis, you are a Catholic. I am a Catholic. Though times are changing, in some families, a child born out of wedlock is still considered a point of deep shame for those of our faith. In the confessional, you referred to your sister as your mother and mentioned a stepfather. I need to reiterate that, before we can continue, theremustbe transparency between us, or I will be unable to guide and counsel you. Was the woman you have identified for all of your life as yoursister, actually yourmother?”
The tears crowding my eyes slip onto my cheeks, scalding a path to my jawline.
“Yes,” I murmur, staring down at my lap, still unable to look Father Joseph in the eyes.
“I see.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I broke the ninth commandment.”
“Yes, you did,” he replies gently, “but you obeyed the Fourth by honoring your mother and her wishes to appear as your sister in the eyes of the world.”
I look up now because I am so grateful for his kindness, for the way he understands, for the way he takes my years of deception and forgives it in an instant.
“Thank you, Father,” I whisper.
“Are you an only child?”
“Yes, Father.”
“And your sister—I’m sorry—I mean, yourmotherwas married several years before her passing, yes? To a man named Mosier Raumann. Yourstepfather.”
“Yes, Father.”
“Now we can proceed. Please repeat what you told me in the confessional, Miss Ellis.”
Using the backs of my hands to wipe away my tears, I look up, meeting his eyes. “He…well, it appears that my stepfather has had a plan in mind for q-quite some time. He wants me to…I mean, heinsiststhat I marry him after graduation.”
“Insists?” asks Father Joseph. “But marriage is a union of mutual consent.”
“He is very…forceful.”
Please help me, I silently pray.Please, Father, please help me.
Father Joseph winces, his eyes deeply troubled when he looks at me. “Aside from the fact that you do not appear to welcome his suit, he is considerably older than you.”
“Yes, Father. Over thirty years older.”
Father Joseph recoils, leaning away from me as I impart this information, though his eyes remain fixed on mine. Finally, he raises his chin. “Miss Ellis, in the eyes of the church, a relationship between a stepfather and his stepdaughter is considered consanguinity. Incest. It is utterly forbidden.”
