Page 61 of Bend Him, Break Him
Chapter Twenty
Isaacdidn’t know what to do with Colton’s feelings, with his own, with the continuing shift in their dynamic. Now that he understood what happened in high school, how it spiraled out of control, he’d hoped maybe it would’ve offered some solace. At the very least, a consolation of no longer eating away at him. But old resentments rarely died out quickly. They clung to life like a virus. Isaac was tired of being infected by such malice.
Still, in the weeks to come, Isaac managed to bury as much of the past as he could. He found himself slowly looking forward to the possibility of what lay in his future. He just didn’t have any clue what he wanted in that future.
Colton sat across from Isaac on the other side of the room during the GSA meeting, doing his best not to look in Isaac’s direction. Isaac found himself seeking Colton’s brief littleglances. It confused him how Colton had changed so much since high school, changed so much since their arrangement—their sordid relationship. A relationship. Colton desperately wanted one, making do with the scraps Isaac offered, but ready and willing to take the next step, to make a commitment.
They couldn’t date, though, not for the world. They didn’t mesh. Maybe in the bedroom, but aside from intimacy, where did they match? Isaac and Colton didn’t like much of anything the other liked, merely made allowances for each other’s interests. Was that compromise or compatibility? Isaac didn’t have a real relationship to use as a reference, mainly because he never had one and often tuned out anyone he knew in a relationship.
“Ufff. I hate men,” Carlos said with a sulk.
Mina tilted her head, laying on Carlos’ shoulder to offer sympathy while also spying on his phone.
“I thought you said that app was only for hookups and dating was a waste of time.” Mina’s curious gaze could only mean Carlos had downloaded the worst gay hookup app ever, the one every guy loathed yet always found themselves diving back into when lonely and horny.
Isaac counted his confusing blessings that he no longer required the assistance of the online fates to quench his lust or hunger for carnal pleasures. While he had no idea what to make of Colton or the blossoming feelings, he’d rather contend with the confusion of their relationship non-relationship than blank profiles, masc4masc dude bros, nude catalogs without a single face pic, kinks without appropriate conversation, random ghosting after addresses were given, and the thousands of other harrowing horrors that came with attempting to grind with another guy online.
“Maybe if you spent less time on g—”
“Do not speak its name,” Carlos said with a dramatic hiss, then making a Catholic cross sign as if to rebuke the unholy app. “You only give it more power when spoken aloud.”
Isaac snorted.
If Mina kept talking, everyone in GSA was about to hear how Carlos was trolling online for a quick and easy hookup. Carlos had a miserable expression, continuing to scroll through the app, while Mina made suggestions on swiping right even though that wasn’t how this app worked.
Isaac recalled how miserable and needy his online experience had gotten when looking to get off while dodging his feelings. He wondered if he’d always dodge them, always shut himself off from the world. Part of that philosophy came from trust broken by Colton—but it wasn’t entirely Colton who made Isaac this way. His family and friends all had a part in his need to isolate himself and shut down. He had his own role in it, too, one he needed to accept. He wasn’t a kid anymore. If he wanted to change, he had to make that effort.
“Carlos,” Jazz said after an uncomfortable silence that Isaac hadn’t entirely noticed.
Isaac had zoned out, and apparently, Carlos had fallen down a rabbit hole of blank profiles.
“Yes?” Carlos stuffed the phone in his pocket.
“The PowerPoint.”
“Right.” Carlos scrambled up front and pulled up the GSA fundraiser event. “This year, we’re gonna host an auction date night for all our lovely eligible queers.”
“I thought we were gonna do Rocky Horror,” someone said with a sigh.
“While that’s a lot of fun, given that we’d only be able to book the smaller auditorium, it’d really limit our sales and funds raised,” Carlos explained. “But we may still do a performance for GSA Pride. Now, moving back to the planned fundraiser. This is going to help us reach our charitable pledges for the year. Usually, we set a very strong goal at the beginning of each year but struggle to reach that number.”
“Aim high,” Mina said with a shrug. “It’s okay if we miss the mark.”
“True.” Carlos flicked through the slides. “But here are some samples of other on-campus groups and the numbers they’ve brought in.”
“Would that actually work with our fundraiser?” Isaac asked, attempting to be polite but a step away from pointing out the obvious on how the GSA differed from these other clubs.
“Glad you asked.” Carlos flicked to another slide detailing other colleges that had a similar fundraiser. “As you can see, it can draw a lot of interest. It’s gonna fall down to how we market it, the date nights we offer, and, of course, our eligible participants.”
“I’m in,” Mina said, leading the volunteering chain of other members speaking up to join in. “But we need a huge attraction, someone that’ll do the heavy lifting for our marketing.”
Everyone’s eyes quickly fell on Colton. Isaac’s blood boiled, finding himself almost as flustered as the jock who tried to laugh it off before the suggestion even left someone’s mouth.
“You’d be perfect!” Mina declared. “You’re the starting pitcher. You’re admired by just about everyone on campus.”
“Well, not everyone.” Colton frowned.
“Well, everyone who matters.” Mina waved a dismissive hand in Isaac’s direction, lumping the goth among the rude people who didn’t give Colton a proper chance.
