Page 15 of Only You
I haven’t slept with anyone else since then.
“Really?”
I nod, and before he can ask anything else, I say, “I was actually just thinking about Remy.”
“Remy?” His eyes widen, and I can tell he’s far too intrigued by the subject change. “What about Remy?”
Someone else putting their fucking hands on Remy. I think it to myself but manage to keep from saying that part out loud. “He’s gay.” Kellan looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, clearly trying to figure out where I’m going with this.Where the hell am I going with this?“I mean... shit. Am I allowed to tell you that? He said he’s out and proud, but did I just out him?”
“I mean, if he’s out... no?” he says, his lips quirking in amusement, and I resist the urge to flip him off.
“Okay, well... he’s gay, and yesterday, I asked if he wanted to hang out again, and he said he was busy... meeting some guy for a hookup.”
“O—kay.” He’s trying to tread carefully. I can tell he’s thinking over his words—a testament to his relationship with Phillip, no doubt. “And that bothers you, why?”
“It’s dangerous.”
He cocks his head to the side, studying me. “Why? Because he’s on the smaller side? You know anything can happen to anyone, right?”
I glare at him. “Yeah. I know that, and no, it’s not his size.” Though I could squish him like a bug without any effort whatsoever. I get lost for a moment, thinking about the difference in our sizes. He’s easily six inches shorter than me, and I have at least fifty pounds of muscle on him, but I’d still say he’s average height and size.
“I think Remy can hold his own,” Kellan states, and again, I glare at him.
“Of course he can. He’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.” And I mean that, but there’s still this part of me that can’t stop obsessing about him meeting a stranger last night. “I just don’t like it.”
I start to fidget anxiously as he studies me. “Why?”
I huff and start to work on the engine again, not able to focus on Kellan and his damn assessing eyes. “Because Remy is better than that. He deserves a husband, not a hookup.”
“Has he said he wants a husband?” I don’t like his serious tone. It makes me itchy. “Some people are just fine with hookups. They lead perfectly happy lives with hooking up, actually.”
“Not him.”
“Do you want it to be with you?”
I nearly hit my head on the hood of the car when I whip around so fast to look directly at Kellan, just barely managing to miss another injury. “What? I’m not gay.”
He rolls his eyes at me now, not as amused. “You know there’re lots of ways to identify. I don’t think I’m gay either—I think if anything, I’m probably demisexual.”
I frown at that—not because I care one way or another how he identifies as long as he’s happy, but because I don’t know what that even means. “What is that?” I ask, knowing I’m not really the most educated guy, but Kellan has never judged me, and I don’t think he will now either.
Finally, he seems to soften a little. “It means I just need a really strong connection with someone to feel attraction.”
“But you were with plenty of people before Phillip.” I hope I don’t sound like I’m accusing him of being a liar—I just want to understand. The last year has been pretty eye-opening for me. My best friend falling in love with a guy. Meeting all the Rhodes kids and learning to listen a hell of a lot more. Remy showing back up in my life...
It’s been a lot.
Now it’s his turn to start fidgeting and looking uncomfortable. “Not really. It always felt forced—like I was playing a part—but then I met Phillip, and everything sort of clicked into place for me.”
I try to process that, but it’s hard for me to wrap my head around. “I enjoy the hell out of women. Hooking up. It’s never forced,” I say honestly. “I can’t really imagine being with another guy,” I admit carefully, like maybe he’ll get upset with me. I don’t want him to think I’m judging him for it. I think it’s fucking awesome that he’s in love with Phillip. That they have something really special.
“So if things were different and you were attracted to Remy—would you want to be with him?”
I think about that, and I know without a doubt this is a conversation I couldn’t have with anyone else on the planet. But I know Kellan won’t judge me. “No,” I say honestly, a lump forming in my throat. “He’s too good.”
Kellan’s heavy hand lands on my shoulder, and his face is deadly serious. “Too good for you?”
I want to look away, but I don’t. My shoulders drop, though, because we both know that’s exactly what I mean.
