Page 74 of Heart and Soul
“—supposed to put the earbud in right away, Shayne. I could have told you he was waiting. Just sitting there. I wanted to take the shot.”
“Now I’m kinda hoping you had.”
“Why? What did he say?”
“We’ll talk.” My voice sounds weak and dull. I’m exhausted, my nerves frayed. “But Jay, I don’t want to go home yet. I want to do something first.”
“Okay.” He pauses. “Alone?”
“No. It’s not for me. It’s for you.”
“This doesn’t sound good. What happened in there?”
“I’m taking my car. Just follow me in the truck.”
“Nice of him, giving yourcar back.”
“It’s not mine. But the bobblehead is. He probably trashed it.”
“No, it’s here.” Jay pulls Ardee Todd from the glove box. There’s a paper taped to its head. He reads it. “‘You’re wrong, Shayne. It is your car.’”
“What? Give me that.”
“It’s the title. He signed it over to you.”
It’s true. There’s Nolan’s signature, dated yesterday. If I take this to the Department of Motor Vehicles, I can register this Tiger Crap in my name. Sole custody.
It feels like more than that. Nolan knows I need a car, but that’s not the only reason he signed this pink slip. This is his way of telling me he’s letting go. He’s relinquishing ownership both of the car and of me. Another victory that feels more like a loss. I needed Nolan to cut back, not cut out completely. The same goes for the rest of my family. Even quitting them the way I did, I never meant for that to be forever.
“I saw him do it, Shayne. I watched him put the keys on the branch. He saw me. Looked right at me.”
I nod, understanding. “We don’t have to worry about Nolan anymore.”
“What about Ben? You really think he’d do it?”
“Yes. He’d kill us both, then spend the rest of his life denying that he feels guilty about it.”
“Sounds complicated.”
“It’s not. I think he’s generally mad at everybody—at the world—but there’s only one person he really hates, and that’s himself.”
“Couldyoudo it?”
I try my best to sound committed. “Yes. If he came after you, I wouldn’t hesitate.”
Jay looks upset. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“But you shouldn’t have to choose.”
“No, we’re not having this conversation, Jay. You didn’t do this. My family is doing this. You’re right; I shouldn’t have to choose, buttheysay I do, so I did. That’s not on you.”
“Uh, it’s kind of on me, yeah.”
“No.”
“Because.”
