Page 39 of The Art of Loving Lacy
“I…I’ve been on with Danica for a while, and before that I was showering, getting groceries. Sorry I missed your call.” She chided herself for not checking her voicemail.
“No worries. Did you find the grocery store okay? Do you need anything?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” She looked away, trying to ignore the pull in her stomach that was drawing her toward him. He’d forced this situation on her, and she struggled to remember that, to use it as a crutch to lean on when she felt herself being wooed by him.
“I know you’re probably mad at me for pulling the whole thing with your boss, Lace, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get you to even talk to me. You ignored all of my attempts to reach you, and I don’t blame you. I mean, I know you’re worried about the panic attack, and I know you’re worried about what I said about other women.”
Lacy’s legs became weak. Fear crept up her limbs. “I don’t want to talk about them.”
“I know, but I do.”
No, no, no.
“Can we sit? Please?” Dane motioned to the sand.
Lacy’s heart was beating so fast that it stole her ability to think. She lowered herself to the sand and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Lacy, if I were a woman and met a guy like me, I’d probably run the other way. I know I look like a player. Maybe I was one. I don’t know. But I never thought of myself that way. I’m a guy who couldn’t settle down. I’ve never had any interest in settling down. But things have been changing over the last few years. I’ve been changing. And when I met you, it was like I ran face-first into a brick wall. For the first time in my life, I stepped back and took a good look at my life. And I wanted to change, Lace. Because of you.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” In an effort to keep herself from falling into his arms and kissing him until she couldn’t breathe, she said, “It seems rather convenient.”
“Convenient?” He laughed. “Nothing about our relationship has been convenient. Look, I guess you’ll either accept me for who I am…as a friend…or you won’t. I wasthatguy. The keyword beingwas,” Dane said.
“What does that even mean?” Lacy asked.
“It means just what you think it means. I was the guy who powered a boat into a new port, found a ready, willing, and able woman for a day or two, and then never looked back until the next trip. I can’t change what happened in my past. I can only try to be the person I want to be moving forward,” Dane said.
“I didn’t know you were like that when we were talking for all those months. I wondered, but I didn’t really know.” As much as she thought she was past being hurt by that, once again she felt sick just thinking about him and other women.What is wrong with me? Let it go!She didn’t want to have this conversation, and now she was stuck in it, and her frustration came out in her words. “That’s just gross. How could you be like that?” Lacy asked.
“I don’t know. I just was. But, Lacy, the last few months as we were getting closer, things changed,” he said. “I’m not proud of what I did, but if we’re going to move forward, even as friends, you have to accept all of me, the dirt along with the shine. I’m not that man anymore, Lacy, and had I met you ten years ago, I probably never would have been that man. You’re the only woman who has ever had this effect on me. But this is me, Lace.” He drew her chin up so she was looking into his eyes again. “The man who wants nothing more than to explore what’s between us—even if we’ve agreed not to fall in love. I’m still the guy you talked to all those months. I’m the one who sang to you in an off-key voice when you didn’t feel well and the guy who laughed with you while we watchedYoung Frankensteinon your television together on Skype.”
Lacy dropped her eyes. Everything he said made her want to embrace him. She needed to forget about those other women. She cared about what she and Dane had, and what they had was turning out to be too big for her to walk away from.
“Look at me, Lacy. Please.”
She met his gaze.
“It’s me, Lace. I’m the same guy.”
He was pouring out his heart and soul, and it dawned on Lacy that what he was doing wasn’t easy. He looked at her with tenderness, and all those months of falling for him, phone call after intimate phone call, came rushing back and gripped her heart.
THE LOOK ON Lacy’s face stopped Dane cold. She furrowed her brow, and her mouth was stuck in a half smile, half worried upturned line.
“That’s who I was, Lace. Then I met you, and then those other nights, well, they became few and far between,” Dane said.
“Okay. Can we change the subject?” Lacy asked.
“Yeah, I didn’t come here to make you feel uncomfortable. I can go.” He pushed to his feet again.
She looked up at him. “No, you don’t have to go. I just don’t want to talk about you and other women. Even if we’re agreeing not to fall in love with each other, I don’t want to be the friend that you tell about your…trysts.” The pain in her eyes was palpable, and she shivered against the cold.
He slipped off his sweater and draped it around her shoulders. “Fair enough,” Dane said. “I just want to be honest.”
“Thank you,” she said, pulling the sweater around her.
“Want to go inside to warm up?” he asked.
“Not really. I like it out here, but maybe we can move to the deck. A glass of wine might be nice. I bought some earlier,” Lacy said.
