Page 76 of Soros
Drying away her tears with my free hand, I had to be honest. “I doubt that I would be happy on Earth long term. I couldn’t do my criminology work and I would always have to hide who I am.”
Closing her eyes, Tania hid her face against my shoulder. “I hate that everything has to be so complicated and that I ruined everything by asking K’rem to help me erase all memories of you. If I hadn’t asked him, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Looking deep into her eyes, I pointed out what she didn’t want to face. “Even if we had the permit, we still wouldn’t know how to make this work. Staying on Earth isn’t a long-term solution for me.”
“But you said that if we had kids, it would be hard for them to function among other kids on Eidrona.”
“Yes, if they are born without the ability for telepathy, like you.”
Tania looked down.
We had been through these talks back when I lived on Earth and every time, I had concluded that a life together with Tania was merely a fantasy. But now that Malliko and Sival had been granted permission to be with human women, I felt weighed down by the unfairness of Tania and me receiving a rejection from the cultural committee.
“I don’t know how we’re going to make it work,” Tania cried. “I just know that I want to be with you.”
Staying quiet, I listen to her cry while I held her in my arms and kissed the top of her head.
“How about we just run away together?” she suggested. “We could tell everyone we meet that I’m fully Eidron but that I had a brain injury as a child and that’s why I don’t know telepathy. No one needs to know that I’m part human.”
Kissing her forehead, I reminded her, “Except that if they found out I would face dire consequences for being romantically involved with a protected species. If we had children together it would be even worse. You couldn’t hide from the authorities forever and the first time you would need help from a physical healer, they’ll detect that you’re different. Think about your father.”
“My father.” Tania scoffed.
“Didn’t you tell me he was banned professionally and confined to his home for many sollumes?”
“Four sollumes. From what I understood, he got off cheap.”
“Four sollumes is three and a half years of confinement and surely you can see that if I was caught it would be more severe because I applied and was denied a permit. Your father didn’t know you existed, but if we run away together, the Federation would know that I’m defying their rejection. My punishment would be severe. It would cost me everything.”
Tania sighed. “It’s a shitty situation.”
“Yes.
“Maybe…” My throat felt tight and prickly as I said the words. “Maybe we should have a backup plan.”
“Other than running away together?”
It was difficult to meet her eyes as I voiced my concern. “I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but will you please listen?”
Tania propped herself up on her elbow. “I’m listening.”
“If we can’t get permission to be together, maybe we should go with the other option you came up with.”
She frowned. “What option?”
I hesitated a little before I spoke. “To have our memories of each other erased.” I could tell that Tania paled and so I hurried to add, “I don’t want you suffering because of me. If we can’t be together, I would want you to move on and be happy. You don’t deserve a life of longing for something that can never be. We’ll be on different planets.”
Tears sprung from her eyes. “Don’t say it.”
“I’m not saying that I want you to forget me or that I want to forget you. It’s a backup plan. When K’rem first told me you had asked to have all memories of me erased I was deeply hurt. I didn’t understand why you would want to erase every memory that we shared. But right now, the thought of losing you again terrifies me. I know that missing you would drain me of all joy in life. Suddenly your logic makes sense.”
“I can’t give you up,” Tania cried. “Not even if it’s just memories of you. I won’t.”
Closing my mouth, I didn’t say anything more. We lay close with a heavy blanket of worries covering us and keeping us awake until exhaustion from the situation finally made us fall asleep.
CHAPTER 29
Tambul
