Page 29 of Malliko
My hips were a bit wide, and I definitely needed to shave my legs. Lifting my arms, I added armpits to that list.
Turning around, I wrinkled my nose. My butt wasn’t as firm as it had once been and when I relaxed my stomach, I looked at least three to four months pregnant.
Letting my shoulders fall, I sighed. I couldn’t possibly feel comfortable walking into a sex club looking like this. Especially not next to a man like Malliko who probably looked like a gladiator without clothes on. The whole idea about us pretending to be a couple seemed laughable.
Reaching for my phone, I called up my friend Carmen, whom I’d had known since middle school.
Carmen worked with her parents in the same town where we had grown up.
“Hey, Chica. How come I never hear from you no more?” Her strong Spanish accent soothed me.
“Because I have nothing interesting to tell you and I know how busy you are.”
“Argh, stop. You know you can call me, day and night. I’m always entertained hearing about the freaks who get reported at your work.”
“Carmen…”
“Si?”
“I’m thinking about…” I was just about to saygoing to a sex club, but people talked and something as juicy as that could quickly slip out. “Ehm… I’m thinking about dating again.”
“You are? Oh, that’s great. I’ve been telling you to get out there for years.”
“But the thing is… I don’t…” Closing my eyes, I lowered my head and put my palm to my forehead trying to hold back the suffocating emotions of self-doubt that Jeremy’s betrayal had left in me. “I don’t feel sexy at all.”
“Aww, Chica. You’re beautiful.”
Pressing my lips together, I felt tears form in my eyes, but this time for a different reason. I could always count on Carmen, and I felt so much love for my friend in that moment. “You think so?”
“I know so!”
It took me a moment to swallow my emotions and speak. “I tried on some black lingerie that I had in the back of my closet and all I can see are my flaws. Remember how flat my belly used to be and how slim my waist was?”
“Stop! Are you comparing yourself to before you had your kids?”
“I used to be hot, Carmen. And now I’m… not.”
A long row of Spanish words sounded on the other end of the phone. “You’re still my prettiest friend and I know a thousand men who would happily date you.”
I gave a sad smile. “You don’t know a thousand men, let alone anyone who would date me.”
“Chica, you’ve seen too many photoshopped models. We women come in all shapes and sizes, and I guarantee you that there’s a million men out there who would love some delicious Clara.”
I stared into the mirror. “How is that possible when I don’t even like what I see in the mirror myself?”
Carmen smacked her tongue. “Tsk, are you into women?”
“No.”
“Then that’s the problem. You don’t like what you see in the mirror because you’re not your own type.”
I frowned. “But I can tell if someone is beautiful.”
“Did you hear what I just said? You haven’t had a man desire you for a long time because you lock yourself up in that apartment. Don’t judge how hot you are based on the opinion of someone who has a completely different taste in hotness. I guarantee that you are hot in the eyes of the millions of men who lust after a thirty-something Latina mamma.”
I frowned and touched my stomach. “You think so?”
“Absolutely. If I was into women, I would be chasing you for a kiss.”
