Page 108 of The Ruler
“That’s for me to decide.”
“But you don’t knoweverything.”
“True, but don’t forget that I first came to the Northlands with the assumption that you were a monster of a dictator, so your admission doesn’t change much. I’m not here to judge you for your past. I’m here because I believe you want to find a peaceful way of living out your future.”
“Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can manage me or make me soft,” Khan said and brushed my hair back, tucking a strand behind my ear. “I honestly thought I’d lost you. I was sure the council would convince you that marrying me would be a mistake. And hell, if they didn’t succeed, my admission of being a power-hungry fraud should have convinced you to run back home.” He creased his brow. “You know that every normal person would have left by now, right?”
“You mean every normal person who hasn’t spent an entire week meditating and reflecting to find tolerance and acceptance?”
“Yeah.” He squeezed both my hands.
“Truth be told,” I said, low, “your vulnerability only makes me love you more.”
“My vulnerability?” He wrinkled his nose. “You should be repulsed by my vulnerability. That’s a fucking weakness.”
I gave him a sad smile and caressed his chin again. “That’s the Nman in you speaking. You thinkreal mencan’t be vulnerable and show emotions, but you’re wrong. You’re not some one-dimensional rock who feels nothing, and I’m glad I got to see this side of you too.”
Khan leaned his forehead against mine. “Just never call me sensitive or I’ll fucking feel like a wuss.”
“You’re not a wuss.” I laughed with tears pressing. “You’re the strongest and bravest man I know.”
I saw moisture in his eyes before he closed them. “How can you say that?”
“It was brave of you to admit your agenda when you could have lost me,” I told him. “I think it’ll make us stronger for having had this straight talk.”
“God, I love you,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking drawn to you.”
Khan had told me he loved me before, but it still felt good to hear it after his attempt to push me away.
“Magni is still convinced that you’re a spy, but I know with every fiber of my body that you’re not and that you’re not choosing me because of my title or my money.”
“You’ve got that right.” I chuckled and he placed a kiss on my nose before he pulled back with another thoughtful expression.
“I never expected to find a partner in a woman,” he mused. “A wife to give me heirs, sure, but the way you and I discuss for hours, strategize, and banter likeequals…” he shook his head a bit. “At times it drives me insane that you won’t just follow my orders like everyone else, but another part of me enjoys that you’re not giving in. You’re so goddamn strong, beautiful, brave, and wise.”
“And madly in love with you,” I added. “I think it’s because being with you forces me to be my highest self.”
“Huh?”
“If you had been a Motlander you would have praised me and showered me with affirmation all the time. It’s what we do.”
“I’ve just told you that you’re beautiful and wise,” he pointed out.
“True, and because you don’t give out many compliments the few you give matter so much more. Still, these past months with you, I’ve learned not to rely on others for affirmation but to find my strength within. I’m learning how to fill myself up.”
“I thought I was pretty good atfillingyou up.” Khan’s sudden flirtatious tone made me grin.
“Yeah, physically, you definitely fill me up just fine.” I lifted up on my toes to place a kiss on his lips and nuzzle his neck.
“Then how about I fill you up right now?” Khan brushed his thumb across my lips with one hand and pulled me close with the other.
“Khan.” I laughed when he pulled up my shirt and deepened his kiss.
“Just give me a second, and I’ll prove it,” he said, planting kisses down my neck.
“Wait, I bought something for you today.” I quickly retrieved a bag from outside. “Remember I told you about the spray,” I said, closing the door, and fishing out a small bottle. “If you spray this on your shaft you won’t impregnate me.”
Khan grabbed the bottle and lifted it to stare at the small thing.Sperm killing hygiene productit said on the side.
