Page 105 of The Ruler
“More?” I scoffed. “No, Pearl, I’m less. Far less.” With ants crawling on my skin I got up, and she almost fell down in the process. “You shouldn’t have come back,” I threw at her, insecurity ripping my chest open. “You’re better off without me.”
“No,” she protested. “I’m not. Where is this coming from?”
I moved away but she followed me and when she reached out to touch me, I pushed her hand away and leaned back to avoid her touch.
Pearl’s blue eyes grew big. “Khan, why are you like this?”
“I’m just being honest with you. I should have been honest from the beginning,” I shot back like a cornered animal trapped in my inner hell.
“Honest?”
“Yes, do yourself a favor and run as far away from me as you can.” I was hammering my inner walls to get through but seven days of fortifying my armor had left its mark.
“No…” Pearl’s arms fell to her side, and compared to how radiant she had looked only moments ago, she now looked deflated and drained. It wouldn’t take much to push her away now and if I ever loved her, that’s what I had to do. Pearl deserved so much more than me. “You know I only wanted you so I could gain power and influence, right?” My mouth tasted of acid when I said it and the sad part was that there was truth in that statement as, originally, I had wanted that. “I wanted to rule the world,” I admitted.
For a moment Pearl stared at me and then she turned around and left my office.
My shoulders and head sank as regret filled me. I had just pushed away the best thing in my life.
It’s for the best – she’s too good to live a lie.
Sinking down on a chair I leaned forward, my arms resting on my thighs, my hands in my hair, my heart fucking ripped apart.
CHAPTER 25
Straight Talk
Pearl
I sat on the steps outside of the Manor contemplating what Khan had just told me.
He wanted to rule the world and had only wanted me for influence.
My mother had been right!
Pulling up a handful of tall grass next to the steps I picked each blade into tiny pieces and threw them into the air one by one in silence. Harsh words from Khan certainly wasn’t how I had envisioned our reunion, but after mulling it over in my head, I got up and returned to his office.
He sat in a chair staring straight into the air, his arms hanging down like all energy had left him.
I walked past him and took a seat on the edge of his desk.
“Did you not hear what I said?” he asked with confusion on his face. “Iusedyou, Pearl, to get influence.”
“I heard you,” I confirmed and folded my arms.
Khan angled his head, and leaned forward placing his elbows on his thighs.
“But all I need to know is whether or not your feelings for me are genuine. Did you ask me to marry you because you wanted influence?”
“No!” The answer flew out of him.
“So, youdolove me?”
He didn’t have to say it because it was right there in his eyes. The pain, the longing, and the confusion.
“Then I need you to listen to me,” I said calmly and waited for him to nod that he would.
“I came to set Athena free,” I said. “But since I had to be here, I figured it was a chance for me to influence you in a positive way. My agenda was to convert you toourway of thinking and for the Northlands to become part of the Motherlands. I wouldn’t say that I wanted to rule the world or have power for myself, but after thinking it over, I suppose it’s not far from the truth. You know I want everyone to live in harmony, and the easiest way to achieve that would be if the council ruled the entire world.”
