Page 106 of The Ruler
Khan leaned back in his chair, narrowing his eyes.
“I would like to think that my motives were purer than yours, but I’m not sure that’s true. We operate from good intentions and we both want what we think is best for our people. In many ways that makes us equal, wouldn’t you say?” Pushing off from the desk, I stopped right in front of him, waiting for him to meet my eyes. “And if we’re really honest, we probably always knew this about each other, didn’t we?”
“Yeah,” he breathed.
“We are leaders, and leaders look for opportunities to influence.”
Khan rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“All I know for certain,” I said softly, “is that my motives might have been questionable at first, but somewhere along the way I fell in love with you.”
“That’s because you don’t know what a fraud I am,” he said with an undercurrent of pain.
“What are you talking about?”
Khan looked away. “I’m older than Magni but that’s the only reason I’m the ruler. He’s better than me in every way. Stronger, taller, faster, and a superior fighter.”
“You think Magni would have been a better ruler?”
“Our father thought so,” he muttered, his eyes glazed over as if the sentence brought memories from his past with it.
“I don’t care about your father’s opinion; I’m asking about yours.”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I used to think Magni would be a better ruler, but after Laura messed him up…” Shaking his head, Khan finally looked up at me. “Maybe we’re both too fucked up now.”
“Being a great ruler has nothing to do with height, fighting skills, or body mass.” I arched a brow. “What about the ability to motivate others, the willingness to work hard and do what is right?”
“You know what my father used to call me?” Khan laughed bitterly, his eyes on the floor. “He called me Sappo, and only I knew that it was short for disappointment.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Yes, constantly.”
Squatting down in front of him, I placed my hand on his knee. “I’m sorry that he treated you badly, Khan, but you’re talking to a woman whose mother wanted to lock her up in a place of reflection for four months because I disappointed her. You think that makesmea failure or a fraud?”
As if burned by my touch, Khan got up, walking aimlessly around while I changed position to sit on the chair he had just left.
“Khan,” I said softly. “You’ve got issues.”
His bitter laugh filled the room. “You say that as if you were stating that my hair is dark.”
“Because it’s an obvious fact,” I explained calmly. “You really have issues!”
“You’re damn right I’ve got issues. Big fucking ones,” he exclaimed and banged his hand against the bookshelf behind him. “And that’s why calling me yourprizeis a cruel joke.”
His anger didn’t frighten me. I could see he was hurting, but I wasn’t his tormentor; his battle was with himself.
“Remember that day in the forest when I told you that my mind gets in my way?”
“Yeah.”
“Well clearly you have the same problem. I think you’ve spent the past week worrying about things you have no control over and telling yourself that I left you like Laura left Magni. Didn’t you?”
The groan in the back of his throat confirmed that I was close to the truth.
“And then I show up and you’re pushing me to test whether I really want to be here or not?”
“No, that’s not it.”
