Page 125 of River
“Yes.” I closed my eyes, seeing the scene of Elsie on top of Conor. “The way she cried and he kept going like she was nothing but a prop for him to use was...” I trailed off when my voice broke a little.
“Fuuck!” Noah leaned back and tore his hands through his hair.
Laila ignored him. “Seeing them together formed your impression of sex, and your body remembered it as scary.”
“Yes, that makes sense, but I still wonder why I suppressed that memory. It didn’t happen to me, after all.”
“You were too young to make sense of it, and that’s when we suppress things. I’d like to return to something you said in the beginning when you mentioned that you went to your mum, and she was without a pillow and blanket.”
I told them about my mum’s desperate attempt to win Conor’s love by giving up everything.
Noah hadn’t heard that story and looked deeply saddened.
“I’m sorry that you had to see your mum humiliated like that, and your friend molested,” Laila said and put her pen and paper away. “Do you remember Elsie’s last name?”
“No. People moved in and out of the manor, and Elsie didn’t stay for more than a few years. I haven’t thought about her in years, and I have no idea about what happened to her.”
“River.” Laila had a soft smile on her face. “You did some important work today. I hope you’ll leave here feeling proud of yourself for confronting those haunting memories. Let’s check in again in two weeks, shall we?”
I gave a quick nod and rose from the sofa.
“Try to notice if you have any other memories come back to you. If so, write them down so we can discuss them.”
After saying our goodbyes, Noah and I left Laila’s office and walked down the stairs. The moment we were outside, he soaked in fresh air.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Opening his arms, Noah pulled me in for a long hug. “Don’t you dare worry about me right now.”
I leaned into him. “Thank you for coming with me. It would be hard to go home and re-live it all again by telling you about it.”
“Sometimes talking about traumatic things can help.”
“I know, but the only thing I want to say right now is that I’m grateful that the police killed Conor. He didn’t deserve to live.”
“I agree,” Noah muttered. “I’m just sorry I wasn’t the one to put a bullet in him.”
“Have you ever killed someone?”
“No, I’ve never had to or wanted to, but for that creep, I would have gladly made an exception.”
