Page 114 of Yellow
“Niko truly thought I was you, and he wanted to talk and apologize for having accused you of cheating on him. I was so afraid of him.”
“Did you get out of the bed?” I asked.
Faith shook her head. “I couldn’t because he pinned me down. I tried to buck him off me, but he only used more force to hold onto me.”
“That asshole,” I sneered, feeling my hands shake with anger.
“He was too big and strong for me to push off and he reeked so bad from cigarettes.” Faith gave a grimace of disgust. “He told me he’d realized his mistake, and that he shouldn’t have believed it was you in those pictures with Logan. And then he admitted that he’d tracked down Logan and that after seeing him in person, he knew you could never be with someone as ugly as him.”
“Oh, Faith,” I said and placed my arm around her.
“I was afraid that if I told him I wasn’t you he would chase you down, so I kept quiet, but then he kissed me and I was paralyzed with fear.”
I closed my eyes, praying that Niko’s kissing Faith was the worst of it.
“I was scared to even breathe because he was completely delusional and in denial over what he had done to you. He kept saying he never shot you and then when I started to cry he wanted to make me feel better.” Faith stopped and took a few deep breaths as if to summon strength.
“I pleaded with him not to touch me and tried to fight him off, but he took it as a sign that I wanted to play some kind of kinky role play of dominance.”
“Oh no,” I breathed.
“He spoke dirty to me and thought I was turned on by him, and things escalated quickly, with him ripping my clothes off and strangling me. I knew he was about to rape me thinking I was you, so I blurted it out.”
I had tears in my eyes when I asked, “You told him you weren’t me?”
“Yes.” She nodded seriously. “And at first he didn’t believe me.”
“But he backed off, right?”
“I wish.” She gave me a pained expression. “He got furious and wanted to know where you were. And when I wouldn’t tell him he snarled and grabbed hold of my neck with both hands again.”
“I’m going to kill him for hurting you like that.” I wanted to scream out my anger but kept still beside her.
Faith turned her face and like me, she was crying too. “He called me a bitch and said he was going to fuck me into submission. I was so scared, Chloe.” She hid her head between her pulled-up knees and quietly sobbed while I sat there, stroking her back, completely powerless and consumed with a suffocating sense of guilt. I did this to Faith by letting that awful human into my life.It’s my fault!
We sat for a while, me thinking of worst-case scenarios, remembering what Nigel had said about his friend knowing an LA cop who had spoken about rape. Another memory was of my having nightmares about being raped by Niko on the first night I spend in the cabin with Onava.
Faith was taking deep breaths and regaining enough control to continue to talk while I braced myself for what was to come.
“You want to know the most absurd thing he said?” She continued without waiting for my reply. “He seriously accused me of being jealous of you. Of always having wanted him for myself.” Her face scrunched up. “I never liked him or wanted him.”
“I know,” I said softly. “I know.”
“He wanted me to look.”
“Where?” I asked.
Faith dried her eyes. “It was so strange but he was fixated on me seeing him penetrate me, and I wouldn’t. So he beat me.”
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to be quiet and just listen without interrupting her with the spew of hate for him that I was holding back.
“I called him a pathetic coward and spat in his face. And I honestly thought he was going to kill me for it. He wasthatfurious, and he roared at me and forced my mouth open.”
“But when you said he wanted you to look when he penetrated you, does that mean he fully…” – I forced the words out – “raped you?” My whole body was tense, preparing myself for the awful details Faith would inevitably share with me now.
“No, he didn’t get that far because for some reason he wanted to demonstrate what it would be like by sticking his tongue in my mouth forcefully. It was so gross, the way his tongue in my mouth was an imitation of how he wanted to rape me.” She wrinkled her nose. “His foul taste of cigarettes made me think of licking an ashtray, and it made my stomach convulse.” Faith’s eyes widened and she looked straight at me. “Remember that bucket of ice cream you told me not to eat because it would make me fat?”
“Yeah,” I said and wondered why she was changing the subject.
