Page 79 of Black
She couldn’t look me in the eye for more than a split second at a time. “I’m so ashamed,” she said low. “And I’m deeply sorry for what I did to you.”
I figured that while we were at it, I might as well clear off the table. “You burned Hello Kitty,” I said.
“Did I? I don’t remember,” she said quietly.
“That’s because you were drunk. You were always drunk”
“I’m sorry,” she said and kept her gaze down.
“You also didn’t feed me or show me any love. You were a mean drunk.”
“But I did love you and you have to understand how poor we were. I couldn’t afford much.”
“You could afford booze. I survived on school meals and hated the weekends because they meant being hungry and being alone, which was almost better than being with you.”
“I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that,” Tina said and blew her nose again.
Bruce handed her the tissue box and took charge again. “Cia, when you look at your mom now, how do you feel?”
I thought about it. I had been so full of anger and fear when I entered the room, but somehow, over the last thirty minutes, that had changed. I wasn’t afraid of this woman anymore.
“I don’t like her,” I said slowly. “If anything I pity her.”
“Why do you pity her?”
“Maybe because it’s my only alternative to being angry at her. She’s weak and naïve, and she is the worst mom in history. She’s just a pathetic person not worth my time.”
Tina sniffled.
“Tina, do you think Cia’s words are unfair?” Bruce asked her.
“No,” she said softly. “I understand why she would feel that way.”
“Is there anything else you wish to say to Cia?”
“I just hope that me being here has helped you heal a bit of the damage I’ve caused in your life.”
“And Cia, do you have anything you wish to say to your mom before we end this session?”
“Yes. I want to thank you.” My words surprised her, and even Gabriel turned his head and gave me an incredulous look.
“My friend Violet says that every person serves as either an inspiration or a warning. Because of you I don’t touch alcohol. Because of you I haven’t had sex or gotten pregnant by accident. Because of you I know what kind of momnotto be if I ever have children. Watching you has served as the clearest warning, and I’m confident that I’llneverbe like you.”
Tina sat there and blinked like her eyelashes could somehow protect her from my words.
I felt an incredible surge of power and liberation as I spoke to the woman whom I had feared and now only pitied. “The best thing I can say about you is that you didn’t get an abortion when you were pregnant with me, and for that I want to thank you too.”
Tina gave me a stifled smile and looked to Bruce who cleared his throat.
“With Cia’s thanks, I think we should close this session, and I want to thank you both for your great work.
Bruce gave a nod to Gabriel. “Will you please stay with Cia while I take Tina to her car?”
“Of course.”
Tina got up and looked at me. Maybe she was hoping to shake my hand or give me a hug, but I gave her a short goodbye and looked away.
As soon as Tina and Bruce had left the room, my shoulders sank and I released a heavy sigh.
