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Gabriel took my hands and leaned close to me. “I’m so proud of you – you kicked ass.”
My hands were shaking from the built-up adrenaline and I was suddenly a bit lightheaded.
“I did it.” I looked at him. “It’s over.”
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Good. Surprisingly good… what did you think about the things I said?”
We went over the things that have been said, and Gabriel told me what he had wanted to say and how hard it had been for him to sit still and keep quiet.
When Bruce returned ten minutes later, I was looking through my notes and still discussing my answers and questions with Gabriel.
“Why did you have me write notes?” I asked Bruce.
He took a seat at the table and started polishing his glasses on his shirt. “Because most people don’t listen very well; they interrupt and are busy thinking about what to respond. Taking notes forces your brain to pay attention. I also know from experience that afterwards you won’t be able to remember much. The notes will help you later if you want to return to the conversation you had with your mom.”
“Okay.”
“How was it?” he asked. “Better or worse than you feared?”
“Both. I felt physically sick when I saw her, but now, I feel so much lighter, almost like I’m high on Oxy pills or something.”
Bruce smiled. “You’re just high on endorphins and relief, and you should be – you did really well.”
“Thank you.”
“The next step for you is to forgive your mom. You don’t need to tell her if you don’t want to, but it’s an important part of releasing the past.”
“So you keep saying,” I said dryly.
“At least think about it, Cia. Forgiveness won’t change your past, but it’ll change your future.”
“Yeah, yeah, small steps, my friend.” I got up and walked toward the door. When I looked back over my shoulder I saw Bruce smiling at me.
“You look as pleased as a cat who just filled its tummy with milk and found a spot in the sun to take a nap,” I said.
“I am pleased,” he said with a smile on his face. “You can’t see it yet, but your life just took a monumental turn and I’m honored that I got to witness it. I’m truly proud of you, Cia.
It moved me deeply – this authoritarian figure expressing his pride for me. I’m sure my body was a grand mix of all sorts of hormones being pumped around, and that’s part of why I felt so emotional.
“Thanks,” I said and left before I did something lame, such as hugging the mad therapist.
