Page 32 of Sassy Surrogate
All I can do is stare. Kieran is usually the quiet one, the unemotional one. I’ve never seen him so animated about – well, anything. In fact, madder than a rattlesnake is probably a better description.
“But I’m damned if I’m going to sit here quietly and watch you screw up the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I don’t know what’s going on between you and Danica. All I do know is that she is an amazing woman who will never turn her back on you. Ever. Unless you give her a solid reason to leave.
“Treating her like shit and making her feel like she doesn’t matter is a stellar way of going about it. Reading between the lines, I’m thinking that’s exactly what you did today. So, I repeat, I have no idea how you’re going to fix what you broke, but I suggest you do. I know it makes you uncomfortable to hear the words – it sure as hell makes me uncomfortable to say them, but I care. I wouldn’t waste my time if I didn’t.”
With that, he turns to face forward again and starts the car, leaving me speechless. Before merging back into traffic, he adds, “And the next time you tell me I’m overstepping the mark, I’m gonna punch your lights out, you daft bugger.”
At this point, I couldn’t utter a word if my life depended on it. The emotional roller coaster I’ve been riding since we discovered Danica’s pregnant has left a lump the size of a rock in my throat. For a guy who doesn’t do emotion, I’ve certainly had my fair share today.
16
Danica
The sound of our baby’s strong heartbeat is a beautiful sound. I know I shouldn’t be thinking in terms of “our” since I won’t get to share in this precious little soul’s life. But caught up in this monumental moment, I can’t help but think that way.
I turn to smile at Heath, only to find him staring at the screen like a hostage caught in crosshairs. When his eyes search mine out, I reach for his hand and squeeze it, trying to share some of my excitement with him.
His body relaxes for the briefest moment before stiffening right back up. With a strangled sound, he suddenly backs away from me.
“It… that… wow, it’s… I…”
The words tumble over each other. He bumps into the door and searches for the handle without taking his eyes off me. When he finally finds it, it’s like he can’t escape the room – and me – fast enough. As he dashes out the door, pain rips through my heart unlike any I’ve ever experienced before – not even on the day I realised my father wasn’t the hero I believed him to be.
The indescribable agony of my hopes dying in that moment is unbearable.
The doctor pats my hand. “Not to worry. I’ve seen it all before. He’ll be fine. Just give him a little time to process the enormity of all this.” I nod, swallowing hard against the tears that threaten. “Right then, let’s get you cleaned up, and we can go back to my office to discuss what happens next.”
Like an automaton, I go through the motions. I listen carefully, making extra effort to pay attention, mainly so I don’t miss anything important, but also to avoid having to think about what happened back in the exam room. I’ll face everything else in the privacy of my own space.
Reluctantly, I return to the car, expecting to find Heath waiting there for me. At the sight of the empty vehicle, my tattered heart shreds completely, leaving me reeling. In the back of my mind, I’d been clinging to the belief he’d simply needed a moment and decided to wait for me here. Now all I can think is he’s changed his mind.
Where the strength comes from, I’ll never know, but I somehow manage to ask Kieran if he knows where Heath is without breaking down into a sobbing mess.
“Sorry, lass. I have no idea.”
“I see.” I don’t. At all. But what else can I say? “Would it be possible for you to take me home, please? Something’s come up, and I need to take care of it rather urgently.”
It’s nearly impossible to prevent myself from squirming under the intense scrutiny he gives me, but eventually he simply replies, “Sure. No problem. Let’s get you home then.” He leans over and opens the back door for me, closing it once I’m in.
Home. Hearing Kieran say the words breaks the tenuous hold I have on my emotions, and I’m unable to stem the tears that finally spill over.
“Ah, Danica, surely it can’t be so bad, lass?”
“It’s just the hormones,” I lie when I can catch my breath enough to speak. His dubious look speaks volumes, but he simply nods.
Back at home, my crying jag under control, I hug Kieran tightly and thank him. If I can pull my plan off, it’s highly unlikely I’ll see him again. The pang of sadness nearly buckles my knees. This man has become a valued friend, someone I trust with my life. The thought of never seeing him again hurts.
I need to pull myself together though. If I’m to successfully set my plan in motion, I can’t do it with tears streaming down my face. Before I can go downstairs to speak with my family, I need to get a tighter rein on my emotions, so I make my way to the bathroom in my suite.
Splashing cold water on my face, I wash the salty residue from my skin. My face dry once again, I repair the damage to my makeup and give myself a critical once-over in the mirror. It’s the best I can do under the circumstances. To give the redness a little longer to settle, I decide to pack my bag first. Since I intend telling my mother and grandparents it’s an impromptu celebratory trip, I’ll need to pack light and send for the rest of our stuff once we’re settled somewhere. Hopefully, we’ll be gone by the time Heath finally comes home.
I’m about done, standing in the walk-in closet trying to decide on a few items I have left to pack when I think I hear a noise. I freeze to listen, my heart pounding. Not hearing anything, I go back to the task at hand.
“What the hell is going on here, Danica?”
Whipping around on a scream of fear at the unexpected sound, I find an extremely angry Heath standing at the entrance to the closet. I clap a shaking hand over my chest.
“Heath. Damn, you scared the hell out of me.”
