Page 8 of Meet Me Halfway
My heart aches for the conversation I know I need to have with him, because I’m hyperaware I’m going to hurt the man that I love. There’s simply no way around it. And it’s killing me.
“Hmm?”
“Um … do you have a second?”
“Sure, babe. What’s up?” The warm words make my stomach roll with fear.
“Could you come inside? I need to chat to you a minute.”
“Sure. Let me just wash my hands, and I’ll join you in the living room.”
I head into the living room and hear him making his way into the bathroom down the hall. It doesn’t take him long to join me.
“So, what did you want to chat about? Seem awfully serious this evening.”
I clear my throat, but no words come. I have absolutely no idea how or where to start. He looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak.
Finally, he asks, “Everything okay, Vivi?” Unbidden, tears well as I look at his beloved face and realise I could quite possibly be throwing the best thing to ever happen to me away. And yet, I can see no way around it.
“There’s – um, well, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“I’m all ears.” He grins, but it’s not his usual carefree grin. It’s clear by the cautious look in his eyes that he can tell something’s off.
I blow out a harsh breath, bite down on my lip, and contemplate where to start. How to lead into this conversation gently. Without meaning to, as if for just a moment the filter in my brain malfunctions, I find myself blurting out the words, “I’m in love with Fay.”
His grin fades, and caution is replaced by confusion. “Come again?”
I clap a hand over my mouth and stare at him, horrified at what I’ve done.
“Vivienne, would you repeat what you just said.” It’s not a question. The brittle edge to his words makes it clear he won’t ask a third time.
The nausea intensifies.
“I’m sorry, Cal. I didn’t mean to blurt it out that way. I’ve been trying to find a way to break it to you gently. That kinda just came out.”
“It kinda just came out?” he sneers. “How do words ‘just kinda’ come out, Vivienne? Explain it to me.”
This ugly side of Cal is one I have rarely seen in the years we’ve been together, but occasionally when we’ve argued in the past it’s made an appearance. And when it does? It’s frightening how quickly things can turn nasty.
“I’m sorry, Cal.” I squeeze the words out past the lump that’s formed in my throat.
“That’s not what you said. I won’t ask again.” The words may be quietly spoken, but the steel threaded through them is unmistakable.
I swallow hard and then repeat, “I’m in love with Fay.”
Heartbreak flashes in his expressive eyes before he shutters it behind an icy gaze.
“And that ‘kinda just came out’, did it?” He scrapes a hand through his hair. “And how exactly am I supposed to feel about this declaration, hmm? What would you like me to say? Are you expecting me to give you my blessing? Jesus, Vivienne. Why don’t you just rip my heart out, toss it on the ground, and stomp on it? It would fucking hurt less than this.”
“I’m sorry, Cal,” I repeat. “It was never my intention to hurt you. That’s not what this is all about.” God, the piercing pain in my chest has me quite breathless.
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I’d find myself in love with not just my husband, but Fay too. She was the wildcard I couldn’t have seen coming. Now here I am, stuck between the man who means everything to me and a woman who is his clone in female form.
“No? Then tell me, Vivienne, what is this all about, hmm? Because from where I’m standing, it hurts like shit. And again, I ask, what would you like me to say? Where does that leave us? Where does that leave our marriage?”
Silently, I pray for inspiration to explain the mess I’ve made of our lives, because suddenly, I find myself fighting for my marriage, and panic is rioting through me.
“I feel like a discarded toy, thrown aside and replaced by the shiny new one that gets all the love and attention. But you know what cuts the deepest?” He pauses, giving me an opportunity to reply. I have no answer. When I remain silent, he continues. “The thing that hurts the most is that I was the one stupid enough to introduce her into our marriage.”
