Page 124 of Tangled Hearts
Beck groans. “It’s haunted me ever since. How could I forget? Do you remember climbing Julian like a tree when I popped up in a clown costume?”
Nic laughs. “Are you serious?”
Beck leans forward. “I have it on video.”
“Beck, if you show him that video, it’ll be the last thing you do,” Holden threatens.
Julian chuckles. “It was too good. But Roman and I had to shut it down. Those two can get out of control if we don’t. Sometimes I’m sure Roman’s my co-parent.”
Beck and Holden both gasp, and I giggle. I love my family so much.
“How dare you,” Holden mumbles.
“Yeah,” Beck echoes. “What the chaos twink said.”
Nic bites down hard on his bottom lip as he tries to fight a smile, then he mock-whispers, “I’d love to see the video.” Holden scoffs. “What? I feel like we missed out on years of brotherly teasing. We have a lot of time to make up for.”
“I hate everyone in this room,” Holden says, but he’s smiling, and it’s reaching his eyes. I’m under no illusions that the past is forgotten. Healing isn’t linear, and he’ll have more bad days before things are good again, but for now, he’s happy, and that makes me happy too.
I reach across Nic’s lap and take Holden’s hand. “Okay, movie,” I say. “Something with talking dogs.”
“Homeward Bound?” Roman suggests.
“Jesus, no,” Nic says. “I think we’re all a little tired of tears. What about The Secret Life of Pets?”
“Ooo,” Holden says. “Yeah, I like that one.”
A murmur of agreement goes around the room, and Julian stretches out to grab the remote. “Secret Life of Pets, it is.”
As the movie starts, we all fall silent. Other than the occasional laugh or random bit of commentary, we all just watch the movie. It’s adorable, and I’m enjoying it. Anyone who says adults can’t enjoy a movie for kids is a fucking liar. There’s just something special about it.
By the time the credits roll, Holden has shifted off Nic’s shoulder and is asleep on Julian’s chest while Julian runs his fingers through his hair. Nic is holding my hand under the blanket, and I’m resting my head on his shoulder. And Roman is stretched out with his head on Beck’s thigh, dead asleep.
There’s a certain kind of comfort in all of us piled up together like this. A safety, almost. The only thing that would make it better is if the kids were here, but I understand why Holden wants them to stay with the grandparents for now. I let out a little sigh as I lean further into Nic’s side.
When we get home, Nic goes to our room to get the bed ready, and I take Kassie out to go potty.
Nic’s got the bed made when I walk into the room, and he hits me with a blinding smile when he sees me. I’m exhausted. But not body exhausted. Brain exhausted.
“Hey, Nic?”
“Yeah, doll?” he asks, fluffing the pillows on my side of the bed.
“Can you make my brain quiet?”
He turns to face me. “Of course.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed, my stomach turning. I’m not really sure how to ask for what I want. But Nic’s never denied me a thing, so I take a deep breath. I’m so ready to hand everything over to him. “Can I ask you something?”
He nods, sitting down beside me and taking my hands in his. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I offer him a smile. “You know how yesterday at my dads’ house, you called me your silent little doll?” He nods, confusion marring his brow. “I want that.”
“Can you explain that to me?”
“I’m not even sure it’s a thing, but I—well, I was hoping I could just… be your doll. Like maybe you could put me where you want me. And I won’t move or talk. Because dolls don’t have to talk or move. Is that a thing? Do people do that?”
I glance at him in time to see his pupils expand. His throat bobs. “Uh, I’m sure it is. That’s what you want? For me to treat you like an actual doll?”
