Page 111 of Tangled Hearts
I open my text thread with him. There are years of messages in here. I don’t know why I don’t just delete them.
The last one he sent is still there. Unanswered.
Si
I hope you’re doing okay. Call me if you ever need me. I’ll always be here for you.
My finger hovers over the call button. Fuck, I shouldn’t, but I don’t… I don’t know what else to do. I hit the button, and the second it rings, my stomach drops out.
I want to hang up. I want to let it ring. I want to hear his voice—even though I fucking hate him and myself for wanting to.
I should hang up.
“Nic?” His sleep-filled voice is so familiar; I know it like I know my own. “Nic? You okay?”
“No.” The word comes out choked and garbled. Wrong.
“Nic, what’s wrong?”
My eyes burn and my stomach twists. “I fucked up, Si. I fucked everything up so badly.”
There’s rustling, and then, “What happened?”
“I left him. I fucked up, and I left him there, and I—I shouldn’t have done that. Why did I do that? I hurt him, and I hurt Holden. I don’t know what to do.” My voice cracks.
There’s a beat of silence. “I need more context. Who’s him? Who’s Holden?”
I fucking hate him for this. I hate him for not already knowing. He should fucking know this. “My brother. Holden is my brother.” I can’t help the angry, twisted way the words come out.
“You… have a brother?”
Oh my fucking God. “Yes. That’s where I went when I left. I left to find my brother. But I also found Eli and I—I shouldn’t have, Si. I get it. What you did. You shouldn’t have, and I’ll never forgive you.” My voice cuts off as I fight back a sob. “I’ll never forgive you,” I say again, whispering this time.
Silas sighs. “You don’t have to forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me, either.”
Oh fuck him for saying that. “I didn’t call you so you could absolve yourself of your guilt.”
He doesn’t speak, and for a second, I wonder if he hung up. “I know that, Nic. But… whydidyou call me?”
That’s the question of the hour, isn’t it? My throat tightens to the point of pain, my breaths speeding up. “Because I didn’t have anyone else to call.”
The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. Then, “Tell me about Eli.”
“Why?” I snap. “So you can take him from me too? Fuck, I’m sorry. Please don’t hang up.”
“I’m not going to hang up, Nic. I deserved that. And worse. Tell me about Eli.”
I inhale a shaky breath. “He’s… he’s everything. He’s smart. And kind. So fucking kind. Even though the world hasn’t been kind to him. He’s snarky and sarcastic. Guarded. Except for when he’s not. And… and—He’s… mine. I love him. I’m in love with him, and I just left him there.”
I know I’m not making a damn bit of sense, but I can’t even form a coherent sentence. A fresh wave of guilt washes over me. What is he feeling now? Is he sad? Is he still crying? Is he alone? Did he climb into bed with Beck and Roman to seek the comfort I should be giving him? The comfort Ipromisedhim I’d give him?
“How’d you meet him?” Silas asks softly.
I let out a harsh laugh despite the way my throat feels like it’s two sizes too small. “He’s Holden’s nephew.”
“Wait—” Silas stops, and I can practically see his brown eyes in my head. Can practically see the wheels turning.
“He’s not Holden’s nephew by blood. But that’s why I couldn’t love him, Si. I had just met my brother. I wanted to know him. I wanted to have a relationship with him and then he—then he saw, he saw…” My voice cuts off as my lungs refuse to let me get any air.
